Twinkie Dink

It’s come to my attention that I may well be the ‘oldest’ mom of bloggers that I know – that being a reflection of the age of my children, not of course of my age, as I am young and vibrant and sexy and hip (well at least in my mind when there are no mirrors around close by)… so as such, I am going to add a lovely game for you mom’s to teach to your darlings in the car – because car games rock – or are painful, which is of course funny – til mom yells. Twinkie Dink!

There is of course ‘slug bug’ – if you see a Volkswagen bug (many people play ‘old’ ones only) – then you get to slug someone/everyone – or if you are in my car, you shout it out, and everyone slugs themselves – because I slug like a baby, and the boy can actually give you a Charlie horse that will last an hour.

After the change to slugging yourself – it was changed to ‘hug bug’ – natural progression – they started whining that no one (meaning usually me) was slugging themselves hard enough – ha – we will make it a “loving” game and see how the little terrors like that!

But of course there had to be a development that recognized the ‘new’ bugs – so… what color are airbags – if you said ‘white’ give yourself ten points – if you said anything else, you should probably not be surfing blogs, and should get yourself acquainted with the real world again. What color is the filling inside of a Twinkie (yes those G-d awful ‘cakes’ that are made from nuclear waste disguising itself as yummy goodness) – if you said ‘white’ be ashamed that you have allowed that into your body, if you said you didn’t know – good for you (but really, you should get out of Boulder and enjoy some garbage food for just a day so that you can relate to the rest of us). What color is the outside of a Twinkie – let’s just call it yellow – because that’s where we are going with this. So if a newer yellow bug (older ones don’t have airbags) hits something and the airbags deploy – what would it look like… ****Ding Ding Ding**** That’s right Bob, A Twinkie!

Thus… if you see a newer yellow bug you yell twinkie-dink and you thunk the shit outta the person nearest you (I won’t allow anymore trying to make it all around the car, the writhing and screaming is just too much to take when you are trying to drive, and writhe and scream)

We also have the punch a person ten times if you see a helicopter.

Punch yourself for every letter of the alphabet up to the starting letter of the name of a state of a license plate that someone has called out. ie – I see (and call out) ‘Delaware’ everyone else must punch themselves four times – A1, B2, C3, D4. If I call out Delaware at the same time as my darling daughter, then we must both punch ourselves up to D and everyone else is off the hook. If I am not in the car, say walking through a parking lot and I call it out – I must punch myself for breaking the rules. A nice new twist is – if it is a border state, you still call it out, in the hope they will all pummel themselves – but… they don’t actually have to punch themselves, and they can either call out border state – thus saving everyone pain – or, they can keep that fact to themselves until everyone else is done and they whine ‘S didn’t punch herself’ – then she can reveal that Wyoming is a border state – boy does that chap their butts! Also of course, if you go to Wyoming then at the border, you get a whole new set of border states – woohoo, confusion. Last very advanced twist – if you are on your way home, you can start at ‘z’ and go backward – thus Wyoming isn’t so painful – but Arizona will leave a mark (of course they are both border states, teee heeee).

And for the best giggles of all… you make up sentences/phrases that use the letters on the license plate – 420-MTD
“Mothers Tell Doozies”
“Melting Tiny Dots”
etc.

we play that you can’t repeat a word – which if you are on an ‘X’ can get tricky. Our rules – which are complicated, because we are never happy with the simple rules (see Twinkie Dink – and State Game) are a bit complex…

Everyone shouts out their phrase, never repeating someone else’s word or ‘you’re out’ – and if someone gets skipped – so I pick the plate, driver’s seat, duh… and I say my phrase, then the passenger should be up next, but if the backseat chimes in before she can think of one, then she’s out. If anyone says two phrases before anyone else can think of one, they win that license plate. Winner chooses the next license plate – or uses the next available one if the traffic is that slim. My kids are older, so we do allow some dirty words, and let me tell you ‘Kangaroo Penises Droop’ and the like are pretty darn funny – we laugh and laugh!

Then of course you can incorporate the radio into car games – the scan button game(s).

Name the artist of the song that is playing before the scan button automatically moves to the next station. Sometimes you get lucky and it comes back around to the same song and you have finally figured it out.

Or the theme game – turn on the radio, whatever station, whatever song – that is the beginning. So the song is ‘If you think I’m Sexy” by Rod Stewart. Allow the whole song to play, because the theme might be in the title, the lyrics, the music, the artist, etc. – so they must be given a chance to hear the lyrics – choose your theme wisely – I’m going to choose ‘guys who have worn spandex’ as my theme. Then you must scan til you come up with another song that fits the theme – then listen til the end – again scan til you come up with another, etc. – until someone guesses the theme. The songs you skip can be as big a clue as the ones you stay on. My oldest hates this game at times, because sometimes she has to listen to music that ‘sucks’ – like in this case, I would have had to stop on any Rolling Stones, because Mick has been known to be seen in spandex – and she hates the Stones (poor dear, I must have dropped her on her head) – although, she would also have the opportunity for me to stop on The Who (Pete I’m sure has been in spandex, and probably Roger also) and she loves The Who. I would of course skip any women, Garth Brooks, or I would say just about any country, most rappers, and definitely Green Day, etc. This game is good for VERY long drives, and half music saavy kids – not for kindergartners – much better for them after you have drilled them with lots of rock history and demanded that they learn all the lyrics to every Beatles song and that they can at least fake some simple syncopated clapping/snapping etc.