Friday, January 20, 2006


another secret revealed... when I was younger I told almost NO ONE about my little issue - then eventually, I learned that admitting my deficiency sometimes became necessary - anyhow, I have this bizarrely unusual colorblindness - don't even know the proper name for it - basically I cannot differentiate between greens and yellows - and I am female -- it's probably like one in 85 bazillion odds or something - so... here's the reason for the post, I spent the first 13 or 14 years of my life not knowing I was colorblind and just (because of my ego) thinking that people around me were dorks to say something was one color when I knew it was another...then I found out why we were seeing things differently. Also, by some lovely human capacity, I can guess fairly accurately what color something is, I think there is some reception of the particular 'light wave' or whatever it is that allows the human eye/brain to perceive color - or I've learned to compensate - okay getting way off track here... so (wow am I elipsis [...] happy or what today?) back to my point. I've been going around since I was in Jr. High school feeling very self-conscious and hiding my secret (I don't really have secrets, but this makes me feel so strange, it's not that I think it's a problem, it's that people find it so amusing to "test" me, and then they constantly make comments about it "oh that's right, you can't tell that the Broncos wear Blue and Orange!") first of all, I don't see all things in GREY - second of all, even if I couldn't tell, um duh, I know what color they wear, and third, I don't like to be their science project)... okay so, years of hiding, and feeling some anxiety when I have to focus and attempt to guess a color (oh yeah, this really screws with some video games - isn't that crap!). Well this morning I had an epiphany, there is an article in this month's Readers Digest regarding 'Dreams'. I realized that in my dreams I have no color vision anxiety! Now, I can't say whether I am colorblind in my dreams, cuz I'm awake right now, but... I KNOW that I don't fret about it - maybe I skip those colors to eliminate that stress??? maybe I see something that I can define??? maybe my dreams are about other issues and it isn't fair to have that added stress??? I have no idea, I would love to hear from others with colorblindness about their dreams.

Monday, January 09, 2006

4 Months?

4 Months - I am really putting up some interesting stuff to keep the peeps coming back (where the hell did the term peeps come from - WOW) for more... if they have the patience of Job [pronounced (jōb)] combined with the super duper computer power of oh say Fred Flintstones Keypunch "computer". Yes, I just quoted the Bible - not something you will see often here (oh yeah, I don't post often, so really anything I put up here, you won't see often - but were I to post with some frequency, you would not see a whole lot of reference to the Bible) - aside from quoting this great book of stories of wondrous miracles and devoted believers with unwavering faith - my own faith is a bit in the crapper lately. It's not that I've lost my faith, because really my core beliefs haven't changed any, it's not that I have doubts - it's more like I just can't feel anything spiritual - my vessel seems empty and neutral on just about everything - the holidays, the miracle of Hannukah, the beautiful lights of the menorah evoked no real spiritual awe as they usually do - the wonder of the beautiful gift of a great teacher, Christ, and all that he offered to us as lessons to help us achieve our best human expression - nothing, no amazement, not wonder - sadness of death and comfort of spiritual life beyond human existance - nope, nada... I went through all the steps, we lit our menorah, we listened to the Christmas story on Christmas Eve, I've been to a couple of funerals (one Catholic and one Evangelical), not a single spiritual moment - where is the me that had spiritual moments almost every moment - who was awestruck by the ability to draw breath or see the sunset over the rockies or smell a wonderful new puppy??? Well maybe if I attend church I will find that person, but really this person has been sleeping poorly and is too tired to manipulate the family into joining me at church on those rare sunday mornings when I am up early enough and don't have other commitments (you know like say Christmas morning???) Maybe next week?
We spent some time with friends this last couple of weeks, that was really great - we haven't been very social lately. Good friends are really a treasure - you know the ones you can talk with for hours and hours and never get bored...
Well I guess it's back to work - since I have nothing more to add to this pathetic whiney assed post - I'm certain that if another living being reads it, they will blown away by the laughter and joy. Maybe I will be amused about something tomorrow - or at least in the next 4 months...