Happy Anniversary (19 years = Road Kill?)

Some days it’s not really easy to appreciate the man you marry. After you are together for awhile, there is no more mystery, and well the mystery is part of that early fascination and romance and passion. Can you have passion and romance without mystery – absolutely, but you can’t expect it to be ‘the same’ as it was when you were first dating. Those people who talk about marriage changing people – it’s not the marriage silly, it’s the time. After 19 years together, my husband and I have few or no secrets from one another, no mystery, no I wonder if he’ll put out tonight, no I wonder if he likes it when I (insert something interesting and intimate)… really we’ve tried just about everything we are gonna try, we have settled into what’s comfortable and what works (I’m not just talking sex here, I’m talking snuggly time during movies, watching sports together, when to hold hands, when to leave the other person alone). Do I think we are typical of couples married for 19 years – not at all, I think we are exceptional – because… we do still have passion and romance, and quite a lot of sex compared to what we hear from friends and associates. Apparently lots of folks don’t do it very often and when they do it’s not all that passionate – so we are exceptional in that. Is it the same as when we were first married… oh hell no.

Side story – the timing is just to good not to put it right here and now… hubby just called, he’s driving in his car – I tell you, that man knows how to just make my day with the romantic stuff that spews from his mouth. He called to tell me that he saw something you don’t often see… not one dead raccoon, not two dead raccoons, but three dead coons on the side of the highway, all together, like the family was crossing the interstate together and got nailed. Now probably because I was busy getting ready to tell you how much I love this man after 19 years – I told him, “wow honey, every woman should be so lucky to have her man call her up and describe road kill… I love you more and more every day”.

So back to my original train of thought… when I was first with my husband I was absolutely fascinated by the things that he did, the way he did them, and I couldn’t kiss him enough, really I couldn’t kiss him enough, I was good with loads of chapped lips, and I couldn’t get enough snuggling (clearly that was pre-hot flashes). Now, we don’t actually kiss all that much, when we kiss it’s still great, but it’s kinda like, hmmm lets save that for really special or something, there’s really no plan, it’s just how it is. Also the snuggling, we are both fatter, we are tired, and sore, and honestly snuggling is just sorta nice for a few minutes, then it’s just too hot and sweaty and uncomfortable for old hot tired bodies… and sex, hey a lot of times we whip it off in quick fashion (you only get so much privacy with three teenagers, and energy is depleted too – and really we are both pretty happy with quick sex… there is still seduction and what not, it’s not wham bam, but it’s not an all night affair either, well not usually. We also used to dance naked, or near naked, even in the morning while we were getting ready for work – a lot, we danced naked a lot. (Please don’t get a visual, it will just make me blush). Of course he had a six pack and a great tan and he still has OMG such strong sexy arms… and I was almost too thin, the most amazing flat stomach and firm ass and perky boobs… I don’t even like him to see me naked now, and the lights are off a lot more these days.

Anyhow, before I got all way too much intimate information for the readers here… I wanted to tell you that not many days do you think “wow I’m really glad I married this man, and this is why” because we just sort of go through our lives taking those things for granted. But yesterday was exceptional… [A] it was the anniversary of our first ‘date’ – well actually the day that I chased him shamelessly at a wedding reception of mutual friends/family until he took me home from the reception and asked for my phone number. [B] I talked to a long-lost friend about the end of her marriage. She married a guy that I dated before she dated him, and they have been married for 16 years, and now they are divorcing. Wow, did I ever get lucky – because this guy that I dated, that I really really liked, that I thought about wanting to marry, is really an asshole – or at least she made him sound like one. Granted, they are in the middle of a divorce, so she is not exactly gonna tell me everything that was wonderful about him or their marriage – and I certainly have those areas where I would love to see changes in my man/marriage, but they don’t begin to compare to hers. So here’s what I would tell anyone who is unsure what to do for an anniversary – talk to someone else that has it awful – you will want to kiss like you are first dating again, and you will suffer your arm falling asleep just to be close and snuggly with the one that really does get you, and will forgive you if you fart in the car or belch at the dinner table, and will kiss you even if you haven’t brushed your teeth yet. I really do love that man… and even when he calls me up to describe dead animals.