weirdness

I used to think that this blog would be a great outlet for my rants and my strange humor that so few people seem to actually get. That hasn’t really been working out for me lately – but then a lot of things haven’t really been working out for me in ideal fashion. I just picked up a voicemail – and the lady thought my name was something that it isn’t – and she says “Please call me back and I can send this to you and we can get this ‘resolved’ – I like that word – ‘resolved’” – WTF does that mean, all I said was (paraphrased) ‘My boss can’t make this file work, please email to me and then when I have had a chance to look at it we can talk intelligently and resolve this issue’ – is that such a unique statement/request – wth else would I say? You know reading it in writing doesn’t do it justice – she said it as though she had never in her life heard the word before, or the concept or something. Maybe this company is accustomed to taking care of problems in some other way??? It was weird, really it was – if I could figure out how to send the vmail to my computer and then upload a soundfile to this blog I would actually let all of you listen to it and then you could judge for yourselves. Maybe I’m being touchy? It seems like frequently what people do lately kind of rubs me the wrong way – I keep blaming it on menopause. Though, I think that I am more patient in traffic – go figure, me the queen of get all your venting done during traffic and on strangers that can’t hear you – I find it cathartic to call the jackass in front of you that just changed lanes while slamming on brakes and not looking some hideous long string of names, including but NOT limited to jackass. Perhaps I should revisit this – my mother convinced me that I was having road rage – at first I told her I felt no rage, just mild irritation that I liked to spew about – but somehow she convinced me that I should try to tone it down. That’s not actually correct, she never convinced me I had road rage, but she did convince me that I was at risk of something awful – not sure what – and I toned it down. I think I will go out at lunch and drive on the freeway and just go wild calling people names and making up terms for their idiocies – maybe then I can be nicer to my husband, children, etc. And maybe it will energize me to do something other than sit on my ass after I get home tonight. I did do a load of laundry this morning – but I left the kitchen in total disarray, and my desk looks as thought a bomb went off – I still can’t find my replacement debit card – this is probably saving us money though, so I’m not enormously concerned about it – I’ll just keep writing checks and sending husband to the store – he’s not nearly as spontaneous as I am for buying things like ‘white cranberry juice popsicles’ – you know the things a family just has to have.

. o O (I wonder if they make white cranberry juice popsicles, because that sounds damn tasty)

Another strange thing is happening – and… I have always had a rule that I would never write down stuff that someone in my family might run across and take offense to – but as this blog has remained relatively anonymous thus far – and no family members have mentioned to me that they are aware of it’s existence, I think I might be safe. So to the strange thing, you know I mentioned that my Uncle died, and that my mom and I went to the funeral – wow what a strange experience that was. Mom was pretty good, though… I think that it made her feel more comfortable smoking in front of me, which has possibly resulted in her smoking more period. She had a couple of my kids one day last week, and they mentioned that she practically chain smoked the whole time – dammit. So then my aunt died, okay not biologically my aunt, but my mom’s best friend – and WHEN we were young, she was absolutely more of an aunt to me than any of my actual aunts. Then she found herself living in the bottom of a whiskey bottle, and my perception changed some – but in reality – of all my aunts, only two – this one, and my uncles ex-wife have really ever been super important to me. One of my dad sisters was wonderful, and I adored her, but didn’t know her well because they lived in Ohio – his other sisters are a whole nother bag of nuts. And my moms half-sister, well I identified with her a lot over the years because she and I look so much alike, and she’s had somewhat of a cool life – but, I found out over the years and particularly on this visit to Oklahoma for the funeral, that she’s really just a person who happens to share some biology with me. Anyhow… I digressed to give history, which was probably totally unnecessary – so my mom had these two sad losses, and at my aunts funeral mom’s high school sweetheart showed up (they all went to high school together, duh) and she can’t quit saying how great he looked. Well to be honest, he was handsome back in the day – but my dad looks a lot better than him! I didn’t think he looked that good, I thought his wife looked fabulous, but he just looked like an old man with weird little lumps on his face and big ears. In addition to that, mom was married before, and she’s always been open that at the beginning of that relationship she really loved and was very physically attracted to him – but then he turned out to be a bunch of really bad expletives here and was pounding on her and stuff like that – so she eventually found the courage to divorce him. So… strangely enough, mom is like addicted to researching genealogy and reading email (seriously, she never shuts up about it – I find it somewhat interesting, so it doesn’t bother me, but I have noticed her having conversations about it with people who could give a shit less) – anyhow – somehow in all this, her ex-brother-in-law somehow got in touch with her and they shared some genealogy on that line and so this morning she mentions that this ex-bro-in-law sent her some old pictures and “it stirred up some old feelings” – and I didn’t take it that it hurt her to see pictures of the guy that pounded the crap outta her – I took it that she felt attracted again, kinda like when she goes on and on about how great first b/f looked at the funeral. To top all this off, she has been nasty to my dad a lot since the strokes – he can’t seem to do anything right, and if you defend him just a little bit she goes off. She doesn’t want to spend time with him, she doesn’t like anything he does, it’s his fault about what sorts of groceries they have, or if the carpet is dirty, or whatever… and well, it hurts me. I really love my dad, obviously – this doesn’t mean I can’t see the forest for the trees. He does do a few things that would irritate a person after living with him for over 40 years – but… mostly he’s really wonderful – particularly for his generation. He helps out around the house (he can’t do laundry, or at least he couldn’t last time she left him home alone), he vacuums, does dishes, cleans bathrooms, I mean he really helps out. He will go grocery shopping, run kids to activities, indulge little yens, takes her out to dinner a lot, cooks, etc. So this morning, dad tells me ‘mom is slipping a little’ – well, maybe I’ve been an ostrich – but in the past when everyone has been on about how poorly she’s doing since the strokes I think they are not seeing clearly, and refusing to recognize the progress. Now, I think he may be right, but I have to wonder – is it because of some sort of lack of oxygen to the brain? (from the increased smoking?) UGH! I really am not doing well at all with my parents aging – I still expect to go hiking and fishing and dancing with my dad – I still expect to go fishing and shopping and drinking with my mom – and these old tired people are freaking me out. I want my mom and dad back! I guess I really need some church time again – and I think the kids do to. Of course this weekend is out, because it’s Easter and I don’t do that crowd – for many reasons, but lets just blame it on the crowd for now. So next week it is – off to church – boy won’t that thrill the masses.