Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I always hated stumbling over blocks in the dark!

I had said I would write (emphasis on actually writing) more blogs. As soon as that happened, material didn’t actually fail to materialize, but my ability to recognize it as material seemed to fail me. I am often appreciated because my blog is “funny” – so of course with the pressure on to produce funny and the blinders on keeping me from seeing what is actually funny in my world right now I feel “blocked” – isn’t that awful! I’ve been sitting here off an on all morning fantasizing about suddenly remembering whatever it is that has happened this week that had me in stitches – I know I’ve been there, my kids are hilarious, my husband is very clever and witty – and frankly, I can pop off a few funnies myself… so what the hell, did we have grumpy week at our house or what? We have a new kitten; we certainly laugh at him a lot. We frequently say “oh that could win on America’s Funniest Home Videos”. I think we all have school is almost out burnout… Do people like Erma Bombeck and Theresa Bloomingdale just run to their computer in the middle of funny moments… okay well typewriter considering they both wrote actual books about being funny long before pc’s were commonplace. My older two kids have taken three AP tests between them in the last week, all three have had term papers and major English assignments due, the French teacher continues to drive us all batty with her racist remarks, her inappropriate sense of humor and her unusual idea of what represents helpful class work, I’ve had a bitch of an upper respiratory thing, hoarse voice, sore throat, silly ass cough that mostly manages to irritate my throat and make me occasionally pee myself – I’ve been delighted to go through 3 or 4 pairs of underwear per day – speaking of all that dirty laundry – the boy put a plastic tablecloth in the NEW (fancy schmancy wow I feel so spoiled) dryer and melted it all over the back of the dryer where it gets, ya know, HOT… so he’s been busy each day running an empty dryer (hey we are being green in other ways) and trying to peel off all the ooey plastic so that we can get back to drying clothes in there… I’m about to hang a load of panties on the clothesline where the entire neighborhood can see clear evidence of how enormous my ass has become since I quit smoking and working downtown where I at least walked a few blocks every day. The main problem with hanging a load of wash (aside from the whole neighbors thinking my panties are tents… is that the back yard hasn’t been “spring cleaned” yet and the lines are dirty, the path to the clothes line is overgrown with new spring stuff and littered under that (where you surely can’t see it) with the crap that blew in, fell off the trees, got dragged around by the dogs, etc. over the winter – and you know I will step on that crap barefooted if I venture out to the clothes line. There is also the issue of my son using the clothesline to attach his pitching target and that damn thing is taking up one whole line and has been out there all winter getting dusty and nasty – I certainly don’t want my frillies blowing anywhere near that! Oh yeah and the tablecloth – one of my favorite cheery spring ones that makes the kitchen look all pleasant and happy and keeps my kitchen table from being abused by those same children that can’t seem to (in high school, um yeah he’s the one that took the AP Chemistry test???) realize that plastic will melt in an appliance that heats up… I’m really starting to doubt how well he did on that test that I paid 80 bucks for him to take. The youngest is still on that moving like a little old lady pace for everything… this morning she wrote a lunch check for herself – it really took like 5 minutes – to write a $15 check, she didn’t even have to sign it… I was expecting fabulous calligraphy when she brought it to me for signature… nope just regular handwriting, very legible, but none the less, not really special. The oldest is more snuggly than usual, but also feels that I’m not taking enough interest in her life… what the hell, how does she get that, I talk to people every day about how freaked out I am to have a kid graduating from High School, I tell her that we can’t go get a graduation dress that particular day, and I address two or three more announcements that we hadn’t yet sent… I really haven’t been that interested in her school day or her work stuff. The work stuff just seems extraneous with all this other going on right now, and every time I ask her about school she reminds me that she only has 6 days left (or some smaller awful number) and that’s about all she has to say. Maybe I should make a giant sign that has the days on it for her this afternoon. She can peel them off each morning just to make me all teary-eyed and melancholy. Well now my boss has just called and reminded me of a deadline (today) that she gave me yesterday that I totally spaced when I got here this morning… this means my lunchtime blogging is done for today… maybe I will be inspired later by some amazing moment!


moosema said...

I think you're funny without even trying, so don't worry about it!

Loved your 100 list too! But I feel I should really point out that you can do key strokes on Macs, too ... even though I know it's not going to make you run out and buy one!

And may I recommend this podcast:

You don't have to be a writer, or like wine for that matter. These ladies are funny as hell (they are both romance authors). I'm mentioned in the most recent episode (and my voice is in the introduction, but I sound like I'm on crack according to my son). If you fall asleep, I'd say you are hopeless.

moosema said...

Oh, and you've been tagged.