Thursday Thirteen - icky icky

Thirteen possible ways to make ‘one square’ work:

1. buy special paper the size and thickness of a cloth dinner napkin
2. use a bidée (and a dryer)
3. use one square of toilet paper after using half a package of wipes
4. shit in the shower
5. keep a broadleafed plant in the bathroom, replace it as frequently as required
6. use washcloths and up your laundry (soap pollutants/electricity/gas use) by about triple
7. don’t bother at all and lose all social life (and up your laundry for the “skid” marks)
8. go nude and hope for erosion
9. use a colostomy bag
10. let’s just put it this way… my son says “the dog doesn’t even use one square”
11. stop eating and thus defacating
12. grease yourself up with Vaseline so everything will slide out without leaving traces behind?
13. go to Sheryl’s house and ask her to ‘kiss your ass’