Thursday, February 15, 2007

Why must the dog watch me take a shit?

We have two dogs – they have lovely real names, but I usually refer to them as ‘you’ and ‘fat ass’.
‘You’ is old – in fact yesterday was his 11th (or 77th) birthday – and since puppyhood cannot pee/poop in front of a human, possibly other living creatures as well, not certain about that, because he has this uncanny knack of knowing if you are anywhere near the window and he will stop midstream and/or mid-whatever and wait for you to go away – I assume he waits, he’s never been treated for not going.
‘Fat ass’ is such an attention hog that if she sees you looking out the window and she is in the middle of her business, even if it’s only been twelve seconds since you gave her all sorts of attention before putting her out, she will begin wagging her tail like you are the most wonderful sight in the world and you are going to start petting her – I love my dogs, but I have never petted anything that was taking a crap (maybe a pet bunny when I was a kid, but they crap every eight seconds).
Well ‘You’ cannot stand it if I get up to go to the bathroom he MUST follow me – I can say to him, I am only going to the bathroom; I can wait til he is sound asleep and try to sneak off to the bathroom; it really doesn’t matter, even if he is only lying 4 feet from the bathroom door, he will get up and follow me and then very alertly watch me from the hallway. Oh I know I could close the door, the thing is, he would open it anyhow – and I’m claustrophobic – I only close the door if we have guests – otherwise, just stay outta the hall, cuz it will not only be ajar, it will be wide open. Okay if everyone is home, I will leave it ajar – but it won’t stay that way because the dog will come and open it. I could also time their trips out to the backyard with my trips to the bathroom, but being on the same schedule as the dogs is creepy in so many ways I can’t begin to think about that. I just think that he could be more understanding, he doesn’t like to be watched, and I’ve talked with him about this – I respect his dignity and let him have his privacy (well as much privacy as a dog can get going in the great outdoors – can’t he please just let me have my moment alone – he usually just looks at me with the same look he uses on ‘Fat Ass’ when she tries to eat his regular dog food instead of the doggy weight watchers crap we offer her. You see, he is actually underweight, probably all that exercise from following the entire family back and forth to the bathroom – and ‘Fat Ass’ is well, duh, overweight – so they get two different types of food – another complication in my life that I did NOT need.

1 comment:

baseballmom said...

Zip does that too...I leave the door ajar, and inevitably he has to follow me, grinning and slapping his big tail against the door, wall, door, wall. I think he knows that I have nothing else to do in there, and expects that I can just pet him uninterrupted. Weird!