...during my shower no less. Probably more information than you needed to know. I will absolutely deny it with every fiber of my being, and it's not actually enough to make me want all my children scattered hither and yon, but it will be nice to share the bathroom with only the DH.
There are 8 ALMOST empty bottles/tubes/cans in my shower at the present. One of them is mine, the other seven are... the children's. They are not there because they haven't been replaced with a new bottle/tube/can. They are there because no one in this damn house ever gets the last two servings of anything out from the bottom, be it toothpaste, shaving cream, ketchup, cheese, shampoo, dog food, what have you. There are also several bottles/tubes of products in my shower that I'm certain NO ONE uses, that have been going in and out of the shower each time it gets cleaned properly, (and shoved aside the other eight out of ten times). Also, there are any number of products in there that I would never allow to touch my skin; can't stand the odor of; or have been there so long that they are beginning to change color - I swear that nasty doesn't rinse off body wash used to be pearly white and now it's sorta beige. Probably I should just bite the bullet and throw it all out, but the last time I did that, I supposedly threw away shit that people actually use. Nevermind the fact that before I did it, I took it all out of the shower in a tub (to clean properly) and left the tub out of the shower for a couple of weeks and then discarded everything that no one put back in.
As I stood there surveying the empty containers, strange smelling nasties, four razors, four sploofies, and the anti-bacterial hand soap (not sure who is washing their hands in the shower), I realized that DH has two things in there that are "his" - shaving cream (which I share with him) and a razor (which I do not share). He uses whatever shampoo is in there, obviously a smorgasborg of choices, because he has practically no hair - and will wash with whatever body wash I put in there as long as it doesn't smell like a girl - easy enough, I don't like girly smelling stuff either. He, like his children, does have a problem using the rock bottom last two servings, but I can deal with that as long as the empties get thrown away, my towel isn't rumpled on the floor and my wash cloth from the day before isn't in the tub soaking wet because someone knocked it in and didn't wring it out and hang it back up.
At least I'm clean for the day.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Hmmmm...
Found this while reading "the news" this morning.
I don't know how to feel about this...
I completely agree with this statement: "There's absolutely nothing sexual about breast-feeding, "Berjuan Toys U.S. spokesman Dennis Lewis said. "It's good for mommies, it's good for babies, it's good for society."
But just because it's not sexual doesn't make it appropriate for little girls who don't even have breasts. I mean they don't actually give birth to their dolls either. On the other hand, I believe strongly that it is absolutely natural and as long as a mom exercises a bit of discretion, she should be allowed to breast feed her baby anywhere that she chooses (by discretion I mean some sort of little cover to ease the embarrassment of anyone who might happen to be nearby). I feel like a bit of a hypocrite thinking that it is wrong for a bunch of little girls to be breastfeeding their dollies, but not their having dollies in the first place.
And it's not like some of this doesn't just happen naturally anyhow -- I'm certain that little girls, particularly those who have mommies who are nursing a sibling, have probably "nursed" their dolls for ages. I happen to know from my own personal experience that sometimes little girls alter their dolls to be more anatomically correct -- my sister drew pubic hair onto her Barbies, which I inherited from her and had to explain to my friends! (ps. she used a blue pen - Barbie was pretty punk in the 60's & 70's - ahead of her time for sure!). And strangely, I don't really have an issue with "anatomically correct" dolls, nor do I think it makes your doll play experience less satisfying to have "traditional" dolls with no apparent gender. I suppose what bothers me most is the idea of foisting the idea of nursing upon little girls. While I am a huge advocate of nursing, believe it to be natural and wonderful and healthy, I do NOT believe it is right for every mom/baby. Well I'm just babbling here, would love to hear what others think.
I don't know how to feel about this...
I completely agree with this statement: "There's absolutely nothing sexual about breast-feeding, "Berjuan Toys U.S. spokesman Dennis Lewis said. "It's good for mommies, it's good for babies, it's good for society."
But just because it's not sexual doesn't make it appropriate for little girls who don't even have breasts. I mean they don't actually give birth to their dolls either. On the other hand, I believe strongly that it is absolutely natural and as long as a mom exercises a bit of discretion, she should be allowed to breast feed her baby anywhere that she chooses (by discretion I mean some sort of little cover to ease the embarrassment of anyone who might happen to be nearby). I feel like a bit of a hypocrite thinking that it is wrong for a bunch of little girls to be breastfeeding their dollies, but not their having dollies in the first place.
And it's not like some of this doesn't just happen naturally anyhow -- I'm certain that little girls, particularly those who have mommies who are nursing a sibling, have probably "nursed" their dolls for ages. I happen to know from my own personal experience that sometimes little girls alter their dolls to be more anatomically correct -- my sister drew pubic hair onto her Barbies, which I inherited from her and had to explain to my friends! (ps. she used a blue pen - Barbie was pretty punk in the 60's & 70's - ahead of her time for sure!). And strangely, I don't really have an issue with "anatomically correct" dolls, nor do I think it makes your doll play experience less satisfying to have "traditional" dolls with no apparent gender. I suppose what bothers me most is the idea of foisting the idea of nursing upon little girls. While I am a huge advocate of nursing, believe it to be natural and wonderful and healthy, I do NOT believe it is right for every mom/baby. Well I'm just babbling here, would love to hear what others think.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Memories... and then some
Browsing around a bit this morning on blogs that include the words "baseball mom" - the theme of the day seems to be "do I enjoy giving up my whole summer to baseball".
I can't speak for everyone, and there were a couple of years of dance/softball/baseball/swimming/football that I thought might kill me... I remember one particular year my husband and I had to travel in the spring and try to get someone to do just the driving for our three darlings -- that was the year of Killer Thursday - drop off boy at baseball practice in neighboring town at 4:45 (hope someone is there early to watch him while I leave to drop sister off at dance at 5:00, drop other sister off at softball at 5:15, back to dance to pick up youngest and take her to softball at 6:00 (changing from leotard to softball clothes in car on way); pick up oldest at softball a little before 6:30 (before practice over) for swimming at 6:30 (again changing in the car) race from pool to baseball field to pick up son at 7:00 and then home for dinner... sigh G-d forbid there was a game instead of practice to disrupt the flow.
... but I wouldn't give back a minute of it - missed camping trips, family vacations all centered on baseball tournaments, changing to theatre appropriate clothes from sweaty baseball mom clothes, baseball games in formal gowns, freezing in the rain, sizzling in the heat, hat head, sore feet, sunburns, bug bites, late (I mean really late) dinners, fuck tons (I do mean fuck tons) of fast food and sunflower seeds, smelly car*, dozens of unfinished and even un-started summer projects, etc.
There is a sign that hangs in our home it says "We Interrupt this Family for Baseball Season" (it could just as easily say 'softball season' - 'swim season' - 'dance' - 'Job's Daughters' - or 'cheerleading'.
Years ago I also said that I would write a cookbook for "baseball moms" that included some actual non-fast food, healthy, easy options for those crazy days of summer. In honor of those moms who are struggling with their own baseball season right now and are sick of fast food and hot dogs I will share a favorite.
Taco Salad
(feeds 5-ish)
1+ lbs ground beef
chile powder (1 Tbsp ish)
garlic powder
salt
pepper
brown the ground beef with the above seasonings, stir frequently to break into small pieces, drain fat
>tortilla chips (preferably not too salty - we like the white corn strips from Costco)
>1-1.5 heads lettuce (we use romaine because I'm a snot that doesn't like iceberg)
>2-3 tomatoes (diced for salad - we have two tomato lovers, and one tomato hater - I use 2-3 roma tomatoes)
>sliced black olives (optional, I love them, but we don't have them all the time)
>sliced scallions (again, if we have some I will slice them, but I don't make a special trip to the store for them)
>1.5-2 C shredded cheese (cheddar or cheddar/jack)
>sour cream
>guacamole (it's baseball season, just buy the packaged in the produce aisle - we like Wholly Guacamole - it tastes homemade!)
>Salsa (replaces salad dressing)
We all put our salads together differently - my oldest daughter loves the round chips and makes her salad a work of art worthy of a photo contest - I will tell you how I put mine together.
Crunched up chips in the bottom of the bowl, a little lettuce on top of that, then the rest of the veggies topped with a few more crunched up chips, meat and cheese -- then top the whole works with all the gooey yumminess ending with the salsa.
I can make all of this ahead (and in fact I sometimes make a HUGE batch of meat and freeze it in bags enough for one dinner [tacos or taco salad]) during the morning/afternoon and then when I come home I re-heat the meat for a minute or two and snip the corner off the bag of guac and we are good to eat!
*smelly car -- One day I was chaperoning a group of girls, and one girl who lacked a bit of a filter said to me "Mrs. Momumo, what is that smell?" -- Me: "Well, it could be sour milk/chocolate smell from the huge air pot of spilled hot chocolate a couple of years ago, I shampoo all the time, but the smell never goes away; or it could be some sweaty football/baseball/softball socks that are stuck under a seat somewhere; or it could be sweaty dance wear in the trunk; or it could be some old fast food in a bag under one of the seats; or it could be the beer that blew up in the hot sun and splattered all over the car; or it could be that I used to smoke; or it could be one of the girl's swim bags in the back; or it could be vomit; what does it smell like honey?" "oh, well it sorta smells like all of that, could you roll down the window?"
I have a new car now -- same girl "wow this car smells so much better" ME: "probably not for long, lol"
my car did not smell that badly, and I febreezed, shampooed, vacuumed, often to eliminate the odor... she had a very sensitive nose.
I can't speak for everyone, and there were a couple of years of dance/softball/baseball/swimming/football that I thought might kill me... I remember one particular year my husband and I had to travel in the spring and try to get someone to do just the driving for our three darlings -- that was the year of Killer Thursday - drop off boy at baseball practice in neighboring town at 4:45 (hope someone is there early to watch him while I leave to drop sister off at dance at 5:00, drop other sister off at softball at 5:15, back to dance to pick up youngest and take her to softball at 6:00 (changing from leotard to softball clothes in car on way); pick up oldest at softball a little before 6:30 (before practice over) for swimming at 6:30 (again changing in the car) race from pool to baseball field to pick up son at 7:00 and then home for dinner... sigh G-d forbid there was a game instead of practice to disrupt the flow.
... but I wouldn't give back a minute of it - missed camping trips, family vacations all centered on baseball tournaments, changing to theatre appropriate clothes from sweaty baseball mom clothes, baseball games in formal gowns, freezing in the rain, sizzling in the heat, hat head, sore feet, sunburns, bug bites, late (I mean really late) dinners, fuck tons (I do mean fuck tons) of fast food and sunflower seeds, smelly car*, dozens of unfinished and even un-started summer projects, etc.
There is a sign that hangs in our home it says "We Interrupt this Family for Baseball Season" (it could just as easily say 'softball season' - 'swim season' - 'dance' - 'Job's Daughters' - or 'cheerleading'.
Years ago I also said that I would write a cookbook for "baseball moms" that included some actual non-fast food, healthy, easy options for those crazy days of summer. In honor of those moms who are struggling with their own baseball season right now and are sick of fast food and hot dogs I will share a favorite.
Taco Salad
(feeds 5-ish)
1+ lbs ground beef
chile powder (1 Tbsp ish)
garlic powder
salt
pepper
brown the ground beef with the above seasonings, stir frequently to break into small pieces, drain fat
>tortilla chips (preferably not too salty - we like the white corn strips from Costco)
>1-1.5 heads lettuce (we use romaine because I'm a snot that doesn't like iceberg)
>2-3 tomatoes (diced for salad - we have two tomato lovers, and one tomato hater - I use 2-3 roma tomatoes)
>sliced black olives (optional, I love them, but we don't have them all the time)
>sliced scallions (again, if we have some I will slice them, but I don't make a special trip to the store for them)
>1.5-2 C shredded cheese (cheddar or cheddar/jack)
>sour cream
>guacamole (it's baseball season, just buy the packaged in the produce aisle - we like Wholly Guacamole - it tastes homemade!)
>Salsa (replaces salad dressing)
We all put our salads together differently - my oldest daughter loves the round chips and makes her salad a work of art worthy of a photo contest - I will tell you how I put mine together.
Crunched up chips in the bottom of the bowl, a little lettuce on top of that, then the rest of the veggies topped with a few more crunched up chips, meat and cheese -- then top the whole works with all the gooey yumminess ending with the salsa.
I can make all of this ahead (and in fact I sometimes make a HUGE batch of meat and freeze it in bags enough for one dinner [tacos or taco salad]) during the morning/afternoon and then when I come home I re-heat the meat for a minute or two and snip the corner off the bag of guac and we are good to eat!
*smelly car -- One day I was chaperoning a group of girls, and one girl who lacked a bit of a filter said to me "Mrs. Momumo, what is that smell?" -- Me: "Well, it could be sour milk/chocolate smell from the huge air pot of spilled hot chocolate a couple of years ago, I shampoo all the time, but the smell never goes away; or it could be some sweaty football/baseball/softball socks that are stuck under a seat somewhere; or it could be sweaty dance wear in the trunk; or it could be some old fast food in a bag under one of the seats; or it could be the beer that blew up in the hot sun and splattered all over the car; or it could be that I used to smoke; or it could be one of the girl's swim bags in the back; or it could be vomit; what does it smell like honey?" "oh, well it sorta smells like all of that, could you roll down the window?"
I have a new car now -- same girl "wow this car smells so much better" ME: "probably not for long, lol"
my car did not smell that badly, and I febreezed, shampooed, vacuumed, often to eliminate the odor... she had a very sensitive nose.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Yesterday
Woke up to the Graham Norton show and this:
http://youtu.be/ICbS_96CQ9k
Following a crazy day of ups and downs, I won't lie, mostly downs, we all sat down to a delicious dinner together.
Our dinner table conversation, never boring, usually more along the lines of "offensive" at most people's dinner tables had gotten out of hand, and I found myself suggesting we all try teapot blowing. HILARIOUS! I strongly recommend you try it yourselves.
The boy had woken up at about the same time as me, so I rewound the Graham Norton show and forced him to watch the teapot blowing with me. Thus he was quite excited to be the first to show us all how it's supposed to be done. I can only hope that when you try it, you have someone just as confident.
Also, you might want to make a best effort to protect any small animals from being in the line of fire... our little corgi mix was quite drenched!!
I ended up going to the Harry Potter premiere (unplanned) and was rather impressed with how amazingly crazy the whole affair is. The crowds, the cheering and booing during the movie, etc. Also, I am NOT a fan of 3-D, but I was impressed with the 3-D technology of this movie (and besides, I can really rock the Harry Potter special 3-D glasses!)
There were some Jr. High aged kids in the crowd that shouted out 'Vagina' a few times, the girls I was with were so disgusted with their immaturity that they were prepared to shout out 'Masturbation' as a retort if it were to happen again. I think that would have been a wonderful expression of how mature people deal with things - lol.
Today the boy is off to a baseball "double header" (at two different fields); I'm working; and the husband is hitting 18 holes with his boss. I just dropped by my youngest's bedroom to discover that she is... applying for scholarships! (Better late than never)
http://youtu.be/ICbS_96CQ9k
Following a crazy day of ups and downs, I won't lie, mostly downs, we all sat down to a delicious dinner together.
Our dinner table conversation, never boring, usually more along the lines of "offensive" at most people's dinner tables had gotten out of hand, and I found myself suggesting we all try teapot blowing. HILARIOUS! I strongly recommend you try it yourselves.
The boy had woken up at about the same time as me, so I rewound the Graham Norton show and forced him to watch the teapot blowing with me. Thus he was quite excited to be the first to show us all how it's supposed to be done. I can only hope that when you try it, you have someone just as confident.
Also, you might want to make a best effort to protect any small animals from being in the line of fire... our little corgi mix was quite drenched!!
I ended up going to the Harry Potter premiere (unplanned) and was rather impressed with how amazingly crazy the whole affair is. The crowds, the cheering and booing during the movie, etc. Also, I am NOT a fan of 3-D, but I was impressed with the 3-D technology of this movie (and besides, I can really rock the Harry Potter special 3-D glasses!)
There were some Jr. High aged kids in the crowd that shouted out 'Vagina' a few times, the girls I was with were so disgusted with their immaturity that they were prepared to shout out 'Masturbation' as a retort if it were to happen again. I think that would have been a wonderful expression of how mature people deal with things - lol.
Today the boy is off to a baseball "double header" (at two different fields); I'm working; and the husband is hitting 18 holes with his boss. I just dropped by my youngest's bedroom to discover that she is... applying for scholarships! (Better late than never)
Friday, July 08, 2011
Sexism and the Classics
My children all attended two very conservative schools, filled mostly with very conservative students from very conservative families -- and by very conservative, I mean both politically and morally (religiously). I confess, I am a sexist -- in that I believe there are certain things that are better delegated to members of either gender - I can change a lightbulb, if there is a male in the building, I think it should be delegated to him - I can take out the trash, if there is a male in the building, I think it should be delegated to him - My husband can do laundry, he does his laundry, he never does the household laundry (towels, bedding, etc.) - My son can assist with first aid (bandaids, etc), but I usually ask one of his sisters. I do not teach my children that there are specific gender roles, or that they are incapable of anything because it should be done by the other sex, in fact I have many times encouraged my girls to learn about changing tires, oil, mowing the lawn, and I have encouraged my son to learn about baking, cooking, laundry, and have insisted that they do both.
My two youngest children are absurdly sexist - chauvinistic even - they stun people with the shit that comes out of their mouths. Youngest daughter to the History Channel a couple of days ago "Silly History Channel, women can't be spies, no intrigue ever happens in the kitchen" - my son to me yesterday "you don't understand because you have a vagina" (yes he really does talk to me that way, and yes I laugh hysterically-his dad not so much). I had blamed this on their right-wing, filled with fundamentalist bible-thumper schools. I was right, but not because they have teachers that praise George Bush and Jerry Falwell in the same sentence, and not because they have friends who might actually secretly have several mom's. Turns out that the somewhat rigorous reading requirements at their High School includes "a favorite" (not something you hear from a 19 y/o boy often), and my son chose to re-read this classic novel about a week ago, as he was reading it this morning, he started demanding from his sister that she get busy making him some food (which she gladly agreed to do) and then revealed the real culprit... Pearl S. Buck, 'The Good Earth'. Who knew?
My two youngest children are absurdly sexist - chauvinistic even - they stun people with the shit that comes out of their mouths. Youngest daughter to the History Channel a couple of days ago "Silly History Channel, women can't be spies, no intrigue ever happens in the kitchen" - my son to me yesterday "you don't understand because you have a vagina" (yes he really does talk to me that way, and yes I laugh hysterically-his dad not so much). I had blamed this on their right-wing, filled with fundamentalist bible-thumper schools. I was right, but not because they have teachers that praise George Bush and Jerry Falwell in the same sentence, and not because they have friends who might actually secretly have several mom's. Turns out that the somewhat rigorous reading requirements at their High School includes "a favorite" (not something you hear from a 19 y/o boy often), and my son chose to re-read this classic novel about a week ago, as he was reading it this morning, he started demanding from his sister that she get busy making him some food (which she gladly agreed to do) and then revealed the real culprit... Pearl S. Buck, 'The Good Earth'. Who knew?
Friday Bullets
• I clicked “next blog” almost obsessively the last two days – I’m not sure how to say this diplomatically (because I’m not very diplomatic, even when I desire to be) – I remember when my children were young, I thought that I had no spare time at all for anything – however, I had a ridiculous internet gaming and chat habit, and had blogs existed I would have been so prolific. I also had time to go to EVERYTHING for my kids. I don’t actually have time for this now, I make time for it by getting up early and staying up late, and apparently other parents of teens don’t have time either, there are bazillions of blogs with sweet pictures of darling families filled with babies, toddlers, pre-schoolers, and elementary aged athletes/dancers/etc. Maybe I’ve found a niche – possibly one that will have no readers, because it is entirely possible those same parents who don’t have time to write a blog, also don’t have time or interest in reading one. (Second highest population [not a scientific study] seems be “Christian” blogs – again, not seeing a real need for everyone to spout the same opinion over and over)
• I have a group of friends that is most definitely the funniest women alive, I fucking love them – I find myself seeking out a good laugh from them whenever the day begins to drag
• My children are as funny as my friends (this is mentioned many times in previous posts), I hope to include some brief posts of “overheard in my house” “shit my kids say” – something of that nature, I am terrified of a return of the circumcision debacle though
• Baseball (no list from me would be complete without it)
• Oh yeah food, I love food blogs, but they intimidate me – I actually don’t have any desire to try Kale chips, no matter how many foodies assure me they are all the rage, kids love them, and they are so easy to make – ewwwwwwwwww kale (from a landlocked girl who grosses out at the smell of the ocean and did have a short stint as a vegetarian that served mostly to put me off most things green)
• Today’s college preparations – sending the youngest off for a weekend with older sister at her out of town college apartment… I am assured that because said older daughter partied last night with her boyfriend, she will be better equipped to keep her baby sister in check at the street festival and rodeo
• I have a group of friends that is most definitely the funniest women alive, I fucking love them – I find myself seeking out a good laugh from them whenever the day begins to drag
• My children are as funny as my friends (this is mentioned many times in previous posts), I hope to include some brief posts of “overheard in my house” “shit my kids say” – something of that nature, I am terrified of a return of the circumcision debacle though
• Baseball (no list from me would be complete without it)
• Oh yeah food, I love food blogs, but they intimidate me – I actually don’t have any desire to try Kale chips, no matter how many foodies assure me they are all the rage, kids love them, and they are so easy to make – ewwwwwwwwww kale (from a landlocked girl who grosses out at the smell of the ocean and did have a short stint as a vegetarian that served mostly to put me off most things green)
• Today’s college preparations – sending the youngest off for a weekend with older sister at her out of town college apartment… I am assured that because said older daughter partied last night with her boyfriend, she will be better equipped to keep her baby sister in check at the street festival and rodeo
Thursday, July 07, 2011
I don't have time for this...
... or anything else that seems important enough to be distraught about, and yet not important enough to lose sleep over, or to stop checking email, facebook, this blog (that I forgot about for so long), or to actually do work that I get paid for.
Way down in those older posts I am pretty sure there is something written about my inane inability to say 'no' to volunteer opportunities. I like to call them opportunities, because misery loves company and I have also been guilty a time or two of twisting an arm or two into joining me on these adventures.
One of these "opportunities" that presented itself, I would say a good 5 years ago, was to be the chairman of an ongoing HUGE fundraiser that goes all summer long for my daughters' youth organization. Today, is the first big day -- there were a few days of preparation for today, all went smoothly and easily, I had somehow fooled myself into thinking the whole season would be that way. HAHAHA MOMUMO, fooled you!!
I laid awake last night - as I do most nights - thinking of what projects absolutely had to be done today, and how much time each would take - basically budgeting my time for the day. I budgeted 1.5 hours for the at home prep/printing/bookkeeping portion of this project - and of course another 2.5 hours for the at the event portion. Ahem, I started on this at 9:30, took a couple of short breaks for various familial interruptions, and I just finished at 1pm. OOOps.
Why did this take me so long... because my new printer is as slow as a one legged dog chasing a squirrel, and of course a watched printer doesn't move any faster; because my DH (I do love him, I really do) has been moving all my crap around on my for the last several months and I can't find anything... like last years files; because I never budget my time well (although I thought I was very generous with this one - I really thought it was more like 45 minutes of work).
So, am I rushing to get those other projects done? Am I in the shower grooming for my rare public appearance at the event? Am I kicking back with a cocktail saying 'fuck it' to the whole day? No, I'm fooling everyone else in the house into thinking that I'm working while I write a blogpost, because yesterday I told myself I have some GREAT new fodder for blogposts with these college kids making me crazy, and I can even write some shit that if it doesn't at least improve someone else's similar experience will make them laugh. I should post every day, it will be good for me. Well here's today's post - not funny, not helpful, not interesting, and certainly not a good use of my time.
Cheers! I hope someone else is procrastinating for no good reason too.
Way down in those older posts I am pretty sure there is something written about my inane inability to say 'no' to volunteer opportunities. I like to call them opportunities, because misery loves company and I have also been guilty a time or two of twisting an arm or two into joining me on these adventures.
One of these "opportunities" that presented itself, I would say a good 5 years ago, was to be the chairman of an ongoing HUGE fundraiser that goes all summer long for my daughters' youth organization. Today, is the first big day -- there were a few days of preparation for today, all went smoothly and easily, I had somehow fooled myself into thinking the whole season would be that way. HAHAHA MOMUMO, fooled you!!
I laid awake last night - as I do most nights - thinking of what projects absolutely had to be done today, and how much time each would take - basically budgeting my time for the day. I budgeted 1.5 hours for the at home prep/printing/bookkeeping portion of this project - and of course another 2.5 hours for the at the event portion. Ahem, I started on this at 9:30, took a couple of short breaks for various familial interruptions, and I just finished at 1pm. OOOps.
Why did this take me so long... because my new printer is as slow as a one legged dog chasing a squirrel, and of course a watched printer doesn't move any faster; because my DH (I do love him, I really do) has been moving all my crap around on my for the last several months and I can't find anything... like last years files; because I never budget my time well (although I thought I was very generous with this one - I really thought it was more like 45 minutes of work).
So, am I rushing to get those other projects done? Am I in the shower grooming for my rare public appearance at the event? Am I kicking back with a cocktail saying 'fuck it' to the whole day? No, I'm fooling everyone else in the house into thinking that I'm working while I write a blogpost, because yesterday I told myself I have some GREAT new fodder for blogposts with these college kids making me crazy, and I can even write some shit that if it doesn't at least improve someone else's similar experience will make them laugh. I should post every day, it will be good for me. Well here's today's post - not funny, not helpful, not interesting, and certainly not a good use of my time.
Cheers! I hope someone else is procrastinating for no good reason too.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Parenting Teenagers
Pretty much freaking out this summer as my last baby prepares to go off to college. We bought a Brita pitcher (green of course) and some bookcases. Her older sister is handing down her dorm bed sheets (green again, yay!) and her brother gave her a pretty decent TV after he won a better one in a poker game. All that stuff is basically handled - although, this is our, hmmm how do I put this, well she's our hoarder. Pretty sure it might require a full size moving truck to take the stuff she wants to take. On the other hand, it's not just about what will fit in whatever vehicle/method we finally determine will best move her to college, but also what will fit in her dorm room - so at least we don't have to be the total bad guy in this. The University she is attending actually provides rather large dorm fridges, so she won't be needing that, even though we have one left over from the older sister. Three kids in college at the same time does tend to present the requirment for two of almost everything, pretty much the same as when they were babies and we needed two cribs, two car seats, two strollers, etc. Haha, we thought all that baby shit was expensive -- two things, people have a lot more baby shit they are willing to hand down. We had big family collections on both sides that we handed around. Most of my nieces and nephews who shared baby clothes, kid furniture, and even sports equipment have not had a single dorm thing to hand down... hmmmmmm, do you think they all lost their shit in poker games? These details are not freaking me out.
Also -- God Bless America -- yeah that's right, every single school wants us to do a verification of our FAFSA. If you don't have (or haven't had yet) a college student, then you probably aren't familiar with this "college lingo" that has evolved quite a bit since we packed up our toaster ovens and hot pots and trundled off to college on a wing and a prayer and hopefully some $$ from our grandparents. These days, regardless of how affluent you are, you have to fill out the FAFSA (it means Free Application for Federal Student Aid). The name would imply that if you have your college $$ all taken care of (great savings, scholarships, blackmailing your mafia uncle, etc) that you don't have to fill it out. I'm told EVERYONE has to fill it out, although, with three in college and basically nothing saved toward their educations, we didn't bat an eye at "Federal Student Aid". 1st year, one student in college, FAFSA returns an EFC (more new lingo - Estimated Family Contribution) about equal to what I was being paid at the time - and not something we could possibly have come up with. Many student loans and three years later, that child is still enrolled, her tuition is still being paid, and I only owe several thousand dollars to various entities -- she owes tens of thousands of dollars, sure hope she gets a good job! Second student added 1 year ago, and I lost my job in the meantime (love this economy) - FAFSA returned a slightly more swallowable EFC, still impossible, but several scholarships later, we only paid out of pocket a couple thousand dollars for his education last year. Third child not even enrolled yet, but registered -- FAFSA returned a very reasonable EFC (which we pay little of) and THREE PELL GRANTS - one for each kid - YAY (Federal $$, does not have to be repaid). However, there's this little thing that I think is at the discretion of each school, called 'verification'. Second year that oldest child was at her University - we had to do a verification. Third year that oldest child was at her University was the first year that the boy was at his college -- his college required a verification -- this year ALL THREE SCHOOLS want the verification. It's not that big of a deal, it's just sorta like filing your taxes all over again (or filling out your FAFSA a second time). This is also not freaking me out.
Our house will be empty - okay this is freaking me out a little. Part of me thinks, "wow, no more shit to wash/pick up/cook/shop for/etc." (usually when I'm washing, picking up, cooking and shopping) -- and part of me thinks things like "I will love just cooking for the hubby again, special little romantic meals, etc." (this is usually when I'm up to armpits in cooking for 28 people something that I don't actually like to eat) -- and part of me thinks, "geez how long has it been since we had sex in the middle of the living room in the middle of the day" (usually when he wants to and the kids are home with 12 friends on their way over) but mostly I think, "who the fuck am I going to talk to?"; "who is going to go to Costco with me?"; "what will I do with all that time?"; and of course I cry (not as much as I thought I would). This does have me a little freaked out - but...
My BABY is going to be further away than her brother and sister, the reality is, flying, driving, anything short of a science fiction transport of some sort, is going to have her a minimum of 15 hours away. I don't like this, I don't like it at all, and I'm totally freaked out about it. I don't know how people send their children half way around the world, I now have a much deeper understanding of how my mother felt when I went to Spain. I can't bear the idea of her having some sort of emergency or crisis and I can't get to her for 15 hours. My other daughter is two hours away, from my front door to hers. My son is right at 3 hours away. This fifteen hours thing is literally taking the breath out of me. I sometimes look at the clock (1:49pm) if she had an issue right now, I couldn't be with her until 4:30 tomorrow morning. ACK!!! Also, much more than my other two (maybe because we are closer?) she is pulling away from me. Spending less time with me, not being as affectionate with me, acting like any of our shared interests are boring and mundane -- this is freaking me out. Logical me can tell myself that this is probably a very natural part of the whole transition that was either less obvious with my other kids because they are by nature very sanguine and their methods of showing affection are not what other people would call affectionate, or because I still had other children at home to spend time with, to share activities with, etc. Logical me can tell myself that this is good for her, it will assist her in becoming independent, it will make the change less severe, etc. Logical me can also tell myself that this is temporary, and that after she is gone, and she misses me, she will express her affection, she will want to call up just to watch a television show together over the phone, she will get a cold and want her mommy, just as her brother and sister have done. Emotional me doesn't give a shit for anything logical me has to say, emotional me wants to kick logical me in the shins and pee on logical me's pillow. Emotional me just wants my baby to come running up to me and tell me how much she's going to miss me and could we just go get pedicures and hang out for the day, just us. Today emotional me is winning -- logical me is sleeping sitting up in a chair with one eye open.
Also -- God Bless America -- yeah that's right, every single school wants us to do a verification of our FAFSA. If you don't have (or haven't had yet) a college student, then you probably aren't familiar with this "college lingo" that has evolved quite a bit since we packed up our toaster ovens and hot pots and trundled off to college on a wing and a prayer and hopefully some $$ from our grandparents. These days, regardless of how affluent you are, you have to fill out the FAFSA (it means Free Application for Federal Student Aid). The name would imply that if you have your college $$ all taken care of (great savings, scholarships, blackmailing your mafia uncle, etc) that you don't have to fill it out. I'm told EVERYONE has to fill it out, although, with three in college and basically nothing saved toward their educations, we didn't bat an eye at "Federal Student Aid". 1st year, one student in college, FAFSA returns an EFC (more new lingo - Estimated Family Contribution) about equal to what I was being paid at the time - and not something we could possibly have come up with. Many student loans and three years later, that child is still enrolled, her tuition is still being paid, and I only owe several thousand dollars to various entities -- she owes tens of thousands of dollars, sure hope she gets a good job! Second student added 1 year ago, and I lost my job in the meantime (love this economy) - FAFSA returned a slightly more swallowable EFC, still impossible, but several scholarships later, we only paid out of pocket a couple thousand dollars for his education last year. Third child not even enrolled yet, but registered -- FAFSA returned a very reasonable EFC (which we pay little of) and THREE PELL GRANTS - one for each kid - YAY (Federal $$, does not have to be repaid). However, there's this little thing that I think is at the discretion of each school, called 'verification'. Second year that oldest child was at her University - we had to do a verification. Third year that oldest child was at her University was the first year that the boy was at his college -- his college required a verification -- this year ALL THREE SCHOOLS want the verification. It's not that big of a deal, it's just sorta like filing your taxes all over again (or filling out your FAFSA a second time). This is also not freaking me out.
Our house will be empty - okay this is freaking me out a little. Part of me thinks, "wow, no more shit to wash/pick up/cook/shop for/etc." (usually when I'm washing, picking up, cooking and shopping) -- and part of me thinks things like "I will love just cooking for the hubby again, special little romantic meals, etc." (this is usually when I'm up to armpits in cooking for 28 people something that I don't actually like to eat) -- and part of me thinks, "geez how long has it been since we had sex in the middle of the living room in the middle of the day" (usually when he wants to and the kids are home with 12 friends on their way over) but mostly I think, "who the fuck am I going to talk to?"; "who is going to go to Costco with me?"; "what will I do with all that time?"; and of course I cry (not as much as I thought I would). This does have me a little freaked out - but...
My BABY is going to be further away than her brother and sister, the reality is, flying, driving, anything short of a science fiction transport of some sort, is going to have her a minimum of 15 hours away. I don't like this, I don't like it at all, and I'm totally freaked out about it. I don't know how people send their children half way around the world, I now have a much deeper understanding of how my mother felt when I went to Spain. I can't bear the idea of her having some sort of emergency or crisis and I can't get to her for 15 hours. My other daughter is two hours away, from my front door to hers. My son is right at 3 hours away. This fifteen hours thing is literally taking the breath out of me. I sometimes look at the clock (1:49pm) if she had an issue right now, I couldn't be with her until 4:30 tomorrow morning. ACK!!! Also, much more than my other two (maybe because we are closer?) she is pulling away from me. Spending less time with me, not being as affectionate with me, acting like any of our shared interests are boring and mundane -- this is freaking me out. Logical me can tell myself that this is probably a very natural part of the whole transition that was either less obvious with my other kids because they are by nature very sanguine and their methods of showing affection are not what other people would call affectionate, or because I still had other children at home to spend time with, to share activities with, etc. Logical me can tell myself that this is good for her, it will assist her in becoming independent, it will make the change less severe, etc. Logical me can also tell myself that this is temporary, and that after she is gone, and she misses me, she will express her affection, she will want to call up just to watch a television show together over the phone, she will get a cold and want her mommy, just as her brother and sister have done. Emotional me doesn't give a shit for anything logical me has to say, emotional me wants to kick logical me in the shins and pee on logical me's pillow. Emotional me just wants my baby to come running up to me and tell me how much she's going to miss me and could we just go get pedicures and hang out for the day, just us. Today emotional me is winning -- logical me is sleeping sitting up in a chair with one eye open.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
A Letter to all operators of motor vehicles on I-25 in Colorado
Dear (insert term of endearment or expletive here);
I spent a good part of this previous weekend driving on the interstate. In fact, I've spent a good part of the last couple of years driving on the interstate. Actually, I'm fairly certain that among my peer group I have quite a bit more miles under my belt than most -- not all -- but most. I have never been intimidated by a road trip; usually I enjoy them quite a bit. Lately however, I have become painfully aware that the bulk of people who are using the interstate are not road trippers, nor local drivers, they are commuters who have their heads up their asses so far they can see out their mouths! I have some tips for those folks, and for the driver's license bureau and for law enforcement - and after composing this post in my head in betwixt speaking to my windshield last weekend about courtesy, logic, and basic driving skills - I decided to recreate here for you my readers, the masterpiece that kept me sane during my most recent interstate adventure.
Let me start by stating that it should be a damn sight more difficult to get a driver's license - please driver's license folks, make it more difficult, and test the drivers more rigorously, including highway driving, merging, and mountain driving.
Second, please law enforcement, I realize that you are trying to generate revenue and that speeding is both easier to prove and more lucrative, but would you please please please crack down on impeding traffic and tailgating -- which in my opinion probably cause far more accidents than the folks who are exceeding the speed limit but moving with traffic.
Lastly, to the legislators of Colorado -- would you make it illegal, and a HUGE fine so that law enforcement will want to ticket it, for semi-trucks to impede traffic by using the #1 lane to pass - in fact I would be delighted if they never ever got in the #1 lane again in my lifetime - even if they are shipping the last drops of bourbon to my local liquor store.
Now to my fellow drivers (I use the term driver loosely - as most of you are operating a motor vehicle but how you are going about it really should be deemed criminal and not have any sort of title that implies there is any skill involved) - a list of the things that all 'drivers' should know (but obviously don't):
1] It is not your fucking job to police the highway, stay the fuck out of the #1 lane if you are not moving with traffic -- if you are holding anyone up behind you (regardless of how reckless you think their preferred speed is) - you are impeding traffic and creating a dangerous situation for ALL of us. Move the fuck over -- ps. the person behind you flashing his brights/lights in your rear-view mirror (that's the one you may have been using to apply makeup or floss your teeth) wants you to move over, they are not greeting you, they are not warning the drivers in the opposite direction of some danger ahead of them - they want you to move the fuck over.
2] Passing on the right is more dangerous, please don't sit there and think "I'm doing the speed limit, if they want by me that badly, the maniac can pass on the right" -- seriously, you are endangering yourself dumbass - just move over and let the maniac by
3] You should be aware of EVERYONE else around you -- I know this sounds a lot like oh -- logic, and it might be too much for your pea-brains -- but use your WHOLE windshield to see everyone in front of you, on-coming traffic as well as all the lanes around you. Use your rear-view mirror to see everyone behind you, all lanes, yes really ALL lanes, and yes the people behind you do matter. Use your side-view mirror (I know this is a tough one, because apparently, no one knows they are there, or how to adjust them or something) all the time, not just while you are backing into your garage stuffed with shit or when you are changing lanes -- you should actually be looking in them when you are moving forward also, so that you are aware of EVERYONE around you - front, back, sides.
4] Merging - (this could be a post by itself). This is the action required to join traffic on a highway (and often times other busy thoroughfares). The idea is that you will 'merge' with traffic. Thus you have to use a little brain power in order to determine at what velocity the traffic you are trying to join is travelling and then attempt to achieve that same velocity while placing yourself adjacent to an opening between cars so that you can move over effortlessly and take that opening without causing anyone, including yourself, to use their brake pedal.
5] Passing - seems simple really, and yet, clearly no one actually gets it. Passing is done when you desire to go faster than the other drivers on the road. You might be a fucking maniac who wants to way out-drive the conditions, frankly if that's the case, I want you to pass and get way far from me, I don't want to drive near maniacs. Alas, I digress -- passing should be done with some regard for the other drivers on the road as well as considering your own safety. This requires a novel subject covered earlier -- visibility. While passing - you should not climb up the ass of, and give a rectal exam to, the vehicle in front of you -- you will actually have much much better visibility if you begin to pass them from a couple of car lengths back. Passing should only be done when you will actually be going faster than the vehicle you are passing when you are done. Passing is not a way to say "hey, you in the old lady car, I have a red sports car and if I don't pass you my penis will fall off". My old lady car has a V-8 engine and cruises down the highway at a remarkably comfortable speed and when I hit a little dip in the road I barely feel it and I don't have to overcorrect my steering because of it. Your little red sports car, while it may be cute, is not actually nearly as comfortable, and I'm sick you passing me and then slowing down because the bumps and rises are causing your car to handle poorly. Lastly, passing is passing -- not moving over into the #1 lane because you were going faster than that big green tractor 456 miles back and you just haven't moved over yet, even though that was actually in a different state. Move back over genius, really you can pass again, might help you stay awake.
A few more specific items:
On a single-lane highway (this means one lane each direction, not just one terrifying 500 mile long game of chicken) -- You can only pass when the dashed lines tell you it's okay -- most people seem to get this. What they don't seem to get is this -- if someone behind you is going to pass, it is preferable that you actually maintain your speed while they are passing you in the oncoming lane, or even move a bit to the right, if safe to do so, and maybe just let off the gas a bit, making their adventure in the oncoming lane a wee bit shorter. Accelerating and racing them, is well really fucking rude and dangerous. Stop it.
On a two-lane highway (again, two lanes that are going YOUR direction) -- you should stay right except to pass. This is actually UNIVERSAL, pretty sure if we ever colonize Mars there will be "stay right except to pass signs" on the highways there. If you are the faster driver this may mean going back and forth between the two lanes quite a bit, however, you may be the faster driver, but not the fastest driver, and if I have to slow my ass down to 2 miles over the speed limit because you think that you have the "right" to be in the #1 lane, I'm going to be very irritated, which is not optimal for everyone's safety, because I could get distracted composing a blog post about rude ass drivers.
On a three(plus)-lane highway (see above) -- you should only be in the far right lane if you are going slower than most traffic, approaching your exit, towing something, a wide load (and perhaps a couple of others). Most people who are moving with traffic belong in the middle lane(s). If you are in the far right lane, you will have to vary your speed more frequently for the slower drivers and those who are merging. However, you also do not belong in the far left lane unless you are passing. In an ideal world, I would not be in the far left lane for hundreds of miles at a time wishing the dumb ass in front of me would move over -- but in Colorado (not the city mind you, the highway north of Denver to Ft. Collins and the highway south of Denver to Pueblo and we won't even go to I-70 because that requires speaking about airport traffic or mountain traffic and my brain will explode), apparently everyone thinks that I-25 is just a little bit wider version of Wadsworth without the traffic lights. UGH.
I realize that all of you reading this don't think it applies to you, but let me offer this -- if more than 50% of the users of our highways suck at driving, then chances are you might suck and commit one of these faux pas'.
ps. Wyoming -- the moment I cross the state line everything improves, I remember when I learned to drive in Colorado, we drove that way too. Don't ever encourage folks to move there, you will regret the negative effect on your highways.
Glossary:
#1 Lane -- also referred to by many as the 'fast lane' -- which is in many cases an oxymoron, lanes are numbered starting on the inside - learn this, it may come in handy
Rear-view mirror -- the mirror that should be affixed to the top center of your windshield and should, if properly adjusted, allow you to see nearly everything that can be seen out of your rear-windshield.
Side-view mirror -- those are the TWO mirrors on the 'side' of your vehicle, one of them usually says something like "objects in mirror are closer than they appear" or some crap like that. These are not only for backing up folks, they are also for seeing beside your car.
Right-of-Way -- This concept seems to be lost on almost all drivers, but in particular women at traffic circles and in parking lots and men on the highway -- all women think if they cede right of way they won't get the last of the sale item they are seeking and all men think if they cede right of way their penises will fall off and be replaced by a big pink fluffy bow -- this simply isn't true. It's actually one of those awesome Karma opportunities, cede right of way, and you may find yourself winning a prize at the store and maybe you will get some when you get home.
I spent a good part of this previous weekend driving on the interstate. In fact, I've spent a good part of the last couple of years driving on the interstate. Actually, I'm fairly certain that among my peer group I have quite a bit more miles under my belt than most -- not all -- but most. I have never been intimidated by a road trip; usually I enjoy them quite a bit. Lately however, I have become painfully aware that the bulk of people who are using the interstate are not road trippers, nor local drivers, they are commuters who have their heads up their asses so far they can see out their mouths! I have some tips for those folks, and for the driver's license bureau and for law enforcement - and after composing this post in my head in betwixt speaking to my windshield last weekend about courtesy, logic, and basic driving skills - I decided to recreate here for you my readers, the masterpiece that kept me sane during my most recent interstate adventure.
Let me start by stating that it should be a damn sight more difficult to get a driver's license - please driver's license folks, make it more difficult, and test the drivers more rigorously, including highway driving, merging, and mountain driving.
Second, please law enforcement, I realize that you are trying to generate revenue and that speeding is both easier to prove and more lucrative, but would you please please please crack down on impeding traffic and tailgating -- which in my opinion probably cause far more accidents than the folks who are exceeding the speed limit but moving with traffic.
Lastly, to the legislators of Colorado -- would you make it illegal, and a HUGE fine so that law enforcement will want to ticket it, for semi-trucks to impede traffic by using the #1 lane to pass - in fact I would be delighted if they never ever got in the #1 lane again in my lifetime - even if they are shipping the last drops of bourbon to my local liquor store.
Now to my fellow drivers (I use the term driver loosely - as most of you are operating a motor vehicle but how you are going about it really should be deemed criminal and not have any sort of title that implies there is any skill involved) - a list of the things that all 'drivers' should know (but obviously don't):
1] It is not your fucking job to police the highway, stay the fuck out of the #1 lane if you are not moving with traffic -- if you are holding anyone up behind you (regardless of how reckless you think their preferred speed is) - you are impeding traffic and creating a dangerous situation for ALL of us. Move the fuck over -- ps. the person behind you flashing his brights/lights in your rear-view mirror (that's the one you may have been using to apply makeup or floss your teeth) wants you to move over, they are not greeting you, they are not warning the drivers in the opposite direction of some danger ahead of them - they want you to move the fuck over.
2] Passing on the right is more dangerous, please don't sit there and think "I'm doing the speed limit, if they want by me that badly, the maniac can pass on the right" -- seriously, you are endangering yourself dumbass - just move over and let the maniac by
3] You should be aware of EVERYONE else around you -- I know this sounds a lot like oh -- logic, and it might be too much for your pea-brains -- but use your WHOLE windshield to see everyone in front of you, on-coming traffic as well as all the lanes around you. Use your rear-view mirror to see everyone behind you, all lanes, yes really ALL lanes, and yes the people behind you do matter. Use your side-view mirror (I know this is a tough one, because apparently, no one knows they are there, or how to adjust them or something) all the time, not just while you are backing into your garage stuffed with shit or when you are changing lanes -- you should actually be looking in them when you are moving forward also, so that you are aware of EVERYONE around you - front, back, sides.
3A] Blind spots -- look it up, find out what they are, figure out where yours are, figure out where the most common ones are for other vehicles and then genius -- stay out of them for your own safetly and mine. I want to buy an old boat, like a Ford LTD station wagon and then I want to swerve toward every dumbfuck on the road that thinks sitting in my blindspot is the best place to drive
4] Merging - (this could be a post by itself). This is the action required to join traffic on a highway (and often times other busy thoroughfares). The idea is that you will 'merge' with traffic. Thus you have to use a little brain power in order to determine at what velocity the traffic you are trying to join is travelling and then attempt to achieve that same velocity while placing yourself adjacent to an opening between cars so that you can move over effortlessly and take that opening without causing anyone, including yourself, to use their brake pedal.
4A] You are the merger, to do this entirely correctly, you are at the mercy of the existing traffic driving well. Assuming they are, and that traffic engineering has designed a decent interchange with a lane that can be used to accelerate to the appropriate speed, you should NEVER:
a) stop at the end of the acceleration/merging lane - no really, you aren't supposed to stop and then wait an eternity for a large enough space to move into it doing oh say 5-10 mph, still causing everyone behind you to brake.
b) try to race to get the space that is just a bit further forward but causes you to impede the traffic already on the highway (seriously, your penis will not shrink if you aren't the furthest car forward)
c) just move over and hope all those idiots get out of your way - I know, it's hard sometimes not to think, "by God my ancestors settled this land, and I will use it anyway I want" - but those idiots are already on the highway and you aren't, thus they have 'right-of-way'
4B] You are in the far right lane (assuming you actually belong there - which you probably don't) and you are approaching an on-ramp area. NEVER:
a) Race the cars that are merging so that they by god do not get in front of you (again, your penis will NOT shrink if someone gets in front of you)
b) Slam on your brakes to allow someone in, thus causing the 756 cars behind you and next to you to brake (whether they need to or not) in a delayed domino pavlovian response to the red lights and also impeding all that traffic -- there's a good chance that the driver you are braking for was planning on getting in behind you, and now they have to slow down to do that -- screwing up everyone else behind them on the exit, and of course the space behind you is now too small because you slowed down more than the driver behind you.
4B] continued - you should ALWAYS:
c) move over to the left, out of the way, if you can do so without causing some other problem
0R d) MAINTAIN YOUR SPEED - so that the drivers who are merging have some sort of constant they can rely on in order to make it as painless as possible for everyone else
5] Passing - seems simple really, and yet, clearly no one actually gets it. Passing is done when you desire to go faster than the other drivers on the road. You might be a fucking maniac who wants to way out-drive the conditions, frankly if that's the case, I want you to pass and get way far from me, I don't want to drive near maniacs. Alas, I digress -- passing should be done with some regard for the other drivers on the road as well as considering your own safety. This requires a novel subject covered earlier -- visibility. While passing - you should not climb up the ass of, and give a rectal exam to, the vehicle in front of you -- you will actually have much much better visibility if you begin to pass them from a couple of car lengths back. Passing should only be done when you will actually be going faster than the vehicle you are passing when you are done. Passing is not a way to say "hey, you in the old lady car, I have a red sports car and if I don't pass you my penis will fall off". My old lady car has a V-8 engine and cruises down the highway at a remarkably comfortable speed and when I hit a little dip in the road I barely feel it and I don't have to overcorrect my steering because of it. Your little red sports car, while it may be cute, is not actually nearly as comfortable, and I'm sick you passing me and then slowing down because the bumps and rises are causing your car to handle poorly. Lastly, passing is passing -- not moving over into the #1 lane because you were going faster than that big green tractor 456 miles back and you just haven't moved over yet, even though that was actually in a different state. Move back over genius, really you can pass again, might help you stay awake.
A few more specific items:
On a single-lane highway (this means one lane each direction, not just one terrifying 500 mile long game of chicken) -- You can only pass when the dashed lines tell you it's okay -- most people seem to get this. What they don't seem to get is this -- if someone behind you is going to pass, it is preferable that you actually maintain your speed while they are passing you in the oncoming lane, or even move a bit to the right, if safe to do so, and maybe just let off the gas a bit, making their adventure in the oncoming lane a wee bit shorter. Accelerating and racing them, is well really fucking rude and dangerous. Stop it.
On a two-lane highway (again, two lanes that are going YOUR direction) -- you should stay right except to pass. This is actually UNIVERSAL, pretty sure if we ever colonize Mars there will be "stay right except to pass signs" on the highways there. If you are the faster driver this may mean going back and forth between the two lanes quite a bit, however, you may be the faster driver, but not the fastest driver, and if I have to slow my ass down to 2 miles over the speed limit because you think that you have the "right" to be in the #1 lane, I'm going to be very irritated, which is not optimal for everyone's safety, because I could get distracted composing a blog post about rude ass drivers.
On a three(plus)-lane highway (see above) -- you should only be in the far right lane if you are going slower than most traffic, approaching your exit, towing something, a wide load (and perhaps a couple of others). Most people who are moving with traffic belong in the middle lane(s). If you are in the far right lane, you will have to vary your speed more frequently for the slower drivers and those who are merging. However, you also do not belong in the far left lane unless you are passing. In an ideal world, I would not be in the far left lane for hundreds of miles at a time wishing the dumb ass in front of me would move over -- but in Colorado (not the city mind you, the highway north of Denver to Ft. Collins and the highway south of Denver to Pueblo and we won't even go to I-70 because that requires speaking about airport traffic or mountain traffic and my brain will explode), apparently everyone thinks that I-25 is just a little bit wider version of Wadsworth without the traffic lights. UGH.
I realize that all of you reading this don't think it applies to you, but let me offer this -- if more than 50% of the users of our highways suck at driving, then chances are you might suck and commit one of these faux pas'.
ps. Wyoming -- the moment I cross the state line everything improves, I remember when I learned to drive in Colorado, we drove that way too. Don't ever encourage folks to move there, you will regret the negative effect on your highways.
Glossary:
#1 Lane -- also referred to by many as the 'fast lane' -- which is in many cases an oxymoron, lanes are numbered starting on the inside - learn this, it may come in handy
Rear-view mirror -- the mirror that should be affixed to the top center of your windshield and should, if properly adjusted, allow you to see nearly everything that can be seen out of your rear-windshield.
Side-view mirror -- those are the TWO mirrors on the 'side' of your vehicle, one of them usually says something like "objects in mirror are closer than they appear" or some crap like that. These are not only for backing up folks, they are also for seeing beside your car.
Right-of-Way -- This concept seems to be lost on almost all drivers, but in particular women at traffic circles and in parking lots and men on the highway -- all women think if they cede right of way they won't get the last of the sale item they are seeking and all men think if they cede right of way their penises will fall off and be replaced by a big pink fluffy bow -- this simply isn't true. It's actually one of those awesome Karma opportunities, cede right of way, and you may find yourself winning a prize at the store and maybe you will get some when you get home.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Inspiration
My friend posted this on her blog and I thought -- wow maybe this will be just the thing to get me blogging more diligently again, not that all three of you really care (I think I may be down to 1.5).
My own thirteen "diamonds"
1] The sound of my youngest daughter's voice when she greets me after an absence (no matter how long)
2] The smell of a baseball field in the early morning, and listening to the various sounds of teams warming up
3] The absolute abandon of my oldest daughter's laugh
4] My husband's smell
5] The look on the face of a little child who has just discovered something magnificent
6] The Closing Cross at a Job's Daughters meeting
7] A dog's wagging tail
8] The smell of freshly opened coffee
9] The first snowfall in the mountains
10] The smell of the Italian Deli near my house
11] My Aunt Jayne's hugs
12] The first sip of a Manhattan (even better when coupled with the smell of good cigars)
13] The first crocus of Spring
My own thirteen "diamonds"
1] The sound of my youngest daughter's voice when she greets me after an absence (no matter how long)
2] The smell of a baseball field in the early morning, and listening to the various sounds of teams warming up
3] The absolute abandon of my oldest daughter's laugh
4] My husband's smell
5] The look on the face of a little child who has just discovered something magnificent
6] The Closing Cross at a Job's Daughters meeting
7] A dog's wagging tail
8] The smell of freshly opened coffee
9] The first snowfall in the mountains
10] The smell of the Italian Deli near my house
11] My Aunt Jayne's hugs
12] The first sip of a Manhattan (even better when coupled with the smell of good cigars)
13] The first crocus of Spring
Thursday, January 14, 2010
My son the housekeeper...
A few nights ago we had stew for dinner, and in the spirit of spreading the wealth a wee bit with the kids, I asked my son to put the leftovers away, to which he replied "but youngest sister is so much better at it and I don't know how" -- really? at eighteen years old, about to go away to college in a few months, you can't pull a container out of the cupboard and ladle some stew into it? A short while later everyone was headed off to bed and I happened to walk past the kitchen and notice a HUGE puddle of stew on the stove. My ADULT child walked in at about that moment, and I admonished him that he needed to clean it up and should have cleaned it up when it happened. I then turned around and began reading something at the kitchen table, I was less than three feet from him, but so absorbed in my reading that I failed to notice how he was cleaning it up until he was all done and I turned around to see him setting our short little dog down and telling him what a good dog he was for cleaning up the stew!!!
You gotta love the teenaged mind...
You gotta love the teenaged mind...
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
"Special Equipment"
My daughter slid off the road into a SMALL snowbank, small enough that she tried driving out herself, the plow truck that stopped had her try to drive out, and the State Patrolman that stopped had her try to drive out - then called a tow truck. The Towtruck driver charged her $369 dollars to pull her out. $75 for the callout, that I can swallow, I don't like it, but it was expected - and some travel time, I can swallow travel time, though $144 for less than twenty minutes of travel is pretty steep -- but what I can't take is the $150 for "special equipment" -- really, REALLY -- whats so fucking special about pulling a sedan out of a small pile of snow in fucking wyoming. We aren't talking about pulling a bus out of a glacier in Hawaii -- I'm guessing they pull sedans out of the snow probably oh, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE -- "special equipment" indeed -- I can't wait to get the company on the phone and let them know just how fucking "special" I think they are!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Really?
A good many of my friends, at times it even seems like it amounts to the majority of my friends are democrats. I like them, they are my friends, and nearly all of them believe me to be a democrat also - though I am a republican, granted, I am known in one circle of extremely active democrats as "the most liberal republican (insert name of passionate active democrat here) ever knew" - aka mlrmpek. This is mostly due to a strange phenomenon, I am unbelievably -- really unbelievably diplomatic about politics, [those who know me well, know that I am seldom diplomatic about ANYTHING] and also because I truly am not really either party on many issues - I am pro gun-control (limited); I am pro-choice; I am for limited government involvement and opposed to social programs (mostly); I am supportive of a strong military; and here's a kicker I don't share with friends much, I am pro-capital punishment. I find however that it's quite easy to share my opinions and even when it's about something where I support the opposite viewpoint of my friend, we can have a nice pleasant conversation, frequently without them ever suspecting that my voter registration reads the same as their "obnoxious right-wing bible thumping neighbor".
Alas, the point of this post is not actually to expose my politics so much as it is to wonder, how can I fit in so well among my legions of "liberal" friends and yet when it comes to the simplest thing, like my friends kid just had a super ugly baby -- I have trouble not betraying my true opinion? [in fact, I said something along the lines of "bet you are glad the wait is over"] But I also question, have I ever unwittingly, amongst a group of "conservatives" where I felt comfortable being more passionately open about oh say 'captial punishment' made my "liberal" counterpart feel as though they have managed to conceal their true political identity? -- well that's a digression... back to my point, my 'total' lack of diplomacy.
I was in fact amongst a group of liberals for drinks over the weekend, and as is the usual with folks our age, politics did become part of the discussion - my two friends among the group who know my true political identity shared knowing looks with me and one even patted my leg at one point when she thought I might be feeling a bit overwhelmed with the passion - a sweet gesture moosema - thanks! Strangely, later in the night I blurted out one of my famously non-diplomatic remarks, like 'well she's always been a bitch why would that change' or some other type remark, and they all said "I love how momumo is so blunt, you can always count on her for truth" -- and I am always truthful (unless absolutely prevented by decorum, if point blank asked if I think that the new baby is cute, I will probably be forced to lie - I mean you really can't say something like "wow are you sure that one's done cooking?").
How do I find it so easy to be a diplomat with politics and so unnecessary and near impossible in every other situation?
Alas, the point of this post is not actually to expose my politics so much as it is to wonder, how can I fit in so well among my legions of "liberal" friends and yet when it comes to the simplest thing, like my friends kid just had a super ugly baby -- I have trouble not betraying my true opinion? [in fact, I said something along the lines of "bet you are glad the wait is over"] But I also question, have I ever unwittingly, amongst a group of "conservatives" where I felt comfortable being more passionately open about oh say 'captial punishment' made my "liberal" counterpart feel as though they have managed to conceal their true political identity? -- well that's a digression... back to my point, my 'total' lack of diplomacy.
I was in fact amongst a group of liberals for drinks over the weekend, and as is the usual with folks our age, politics did become part of the discussion - my two friends among the group who know my true political identity shared knowing looks with me and one even patted my leg at one point when she thought I might be feeling a bit overwhelmed with the passion - a sweet gesture moosema - thanks! Strangely, later in the night I blurted out one of my famously non-diplomatic remarks, like 'well she's always been a bitch why would that change' or some other type remark, and they all said "I love how momumo is so blunt, you can always count on her for truth" -- and I am always truthful (unless absolutely prevented by decorum, if point blank asked if I think that the new baby is cute, I will probably be forced to lie - I mean you really can't say something like "wow are you sure that one's done cooking?").
How do I find it so easy to be a diplomat with politics and so unnecessary and near impossible in every other situation?
Monday, December 21, 2009
Parenting Teenagers
hahahaha! If anyone ever presumes to tell you they have the answers to raising teenagers, run before they ask you to drink the koolaid! My darlings have all cost us just about $200 for some random bunch of crap
- Friday night the boy texts me, yes re-read that TEXTS ME "I split my chin open on the gym floor and the trainer thinks I should get stitches" -- ps. he wasn't participating in the sport, he was a fan at the basketball game -- and I was drinking at the casino with hubby - 1. he CHOSE to slide across the gym floor toward a dog pile of kids (with his new Tommy John elbow that is NOT fully recovered, ugh) 2. he texted me, not a call, a freaking text message 3. when I called him to find out the details he asked if he could wait until after the game to go get stitches in his THREE INCH laceration (is actually just over 1 inch, I really was picturing his lip flopping around as if he had gauged it when he said 3 inches) -- So, I informed him (not without a little bit of guilt) that he is 18, has his own insurance card and can drive himself to the ER for stitches (then I called his older sister to meet him there)
- Sunday night, after driving to Wyoming and back, daughter asks at 10:00pm if she can drive back to Wyoming to see boyfriend, we actually allowed this against our better judgment because when we were nineteen, we would have wanted to do it too and would probably have figured out how to get it done. Yeah, so today, she lets us know that she will be later than expected getting home because she got a speeding ticket - for quite a damn bit over the speed limit, needless to say, not happy
- This afternoon, youngest daughter goes to new eye doctor and gets and extended eye appointment because her old contacts (that she wore for TWO years) never did work right, but she didn't want to tell us that because we would make her wear her glasses
Going to post an ad on Gypsy-bay.com that they are all for sale, no returns, ugh
To make the day better, the younger two did not do at all what I asked them to do around the house today and then tried to sell that I underestimated the time required to complete those chores. Really 3.5 hours in the kitchen and it's still not clean -- um yeah, I could practically fuckin remodel the kitchen in 3.5 hours -- and 2 hours cleaning ONE shower and well apparently doing something in the living room, but all I could tell was the mail was on my desk and she moved a small pile of stuff off of a christmas box onto my desk chair -- oh and the job on the shower, the dog coulda licked it cleaner. SO PISSED.
Anyhow, tomorrow is supposed to be baking day, should be glorious I'm sure.
- Friday night the boy texts me, yes re-read that TEXTS ME "I split my chin open on the gym floor and the trainer thinks I should get stitches" -- ps. he wasn't participating in the sport, he was a fan at the basketball game -- and I was drinking at the casino with hubby - 1. he CHOSE to slide across the gym floor toward a dog pile of kids (with his new Tommy John elbow that is NOT fully recovered, ugh) 2. he texted me, not a call, a freaking text message 3. when I called him to find out the details he asked if he could wait until after the game to go get stitches in his THREE INCH laceration (is actually just over 1 inch, I really was picturing his lip flopping around as if he had gauged it when he said 3 inches) -- So, I informed him (not without a little bit of guilt) that he is 18, has his own insurance card and can drive himself to the ER for stitches (then I called his older sister to meet him there)
- Sunday night, after driving to Wyoming and back, daughter asks at 10:00pm if she can drive back to Wyoming to see boyfriend, we actually allowed this against our better judgment because when we were nineteen, we would have wanted to do it too and would probably have figured out how to get it done. Yeah, so today, she lets us know that she will be later than expected getting home because she got a speeding ticket - for quite a damn bit over the speed limit, needless to say, not happy
- This afternoon, youngest daughter goes to new eye doctor and gets and extended eye appointment because her old contacts (that she wore for TWO years) never did work right, but she didn't want to tell us that because we would make her wear her glasses
Going to post an ad on Gypsy-bay.com that they are all for sale, no returns, ugh
To make the day better, the younger two did not do at all what I asked them to do around the house today and then tried to sell that I underestimated the time required to complete those chores. Really 3.5 hours in the kitchen and it's still not clean -- um yeah, I could practically fuckin remodel the kitchen in 3.5 hours -- and 2 hours cleaning ONE shower and well apparently doing something in the living room, but all I could tell was the mail was on my desk and she moved a small pile of stuff off of a christmas box onto my desk chair -- oh and the job on the shower, the dog coulda licked it cleaner. SO PISSED.
Anyhow, tomorrow is supposed to be baking day, should be glorious I'm sure.
Friday, December 18, 2009
OOOps underestimated the nosiness of oldest daughter
As many of you (all two of you) know, my family is unaware of this blog - so today, one aunt contacted oldest daughter via facebook asking for another aunts address -- the fastest way I could think of to retrieve it was to give her my thumb drive from my old laptop files and tell her to look for it among the documents on there. Well also stored on that thumb drive are some of my posts from this blog -- she is thoroughly enthralled with and enjoying my 'dirtiest stories ever' document, which contains all of those stories as posted here so long ago. Maybe I should have given it a more boring title, I can see how running across 'dirtiest stories ever' would make a 19 year old, or really any aged person, rather curious.
As for the rest of my life, it just feels like it's on hold. No news on mom, not a lot going on with anything else, probably going to try to start some holiday shopping today. Need a great 'small' gift idea for the dh -- he got a new high def flat screen blah blah whatever television earlier this year and has made it clear that it was his father's day/birthday/christmas gift all in one, but I am not gonna sit here and hand him a package of underwear on Christmas morning while the rest of us tear into fun and exciting gifts - besides, he also said he's good on undies this year and doesn't need those either, lol. I feel a little behind the gun on this one gift, would love to have a great idea pop into my head maybe having written it down will motivate the universe to manifest that for me.
Happy Friday -- I'm off to finish cleaning the toilet and shower, oh joy.
As for the rest of my life, it just feels like it's on hold. No news on mom, not a lot going on with anything else, probably going to try to start some holiday shopping today. Need a great 'small' gift idea for the dh -- he got a new high def flat screen blah blah whatever television earlier this year and has made it clear that it was his father's day/birthday/christmas gift all in one, but I am not gonna sit here and hand him a package of underwear on Christmas morning while the rest of us tear into fun and exciting gifts - besides, he also said he's good on undies this year and doesn't need those either, lol. I feel a little behind the gun on this one gift, would love to have a great idea pop into my head maybe having written it down will motivate the universe to manifest that for me.
Happy Friday -- I'm off to finish cleaning the toilet and shower, oh joy.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Happy Holidays
Yes, Happy Holidays - not because it's politically correct, read a few of my posts, I could give a shit about pc-ness - because we celebrate more than one holiday in our home, we have friends who celebrate different holidays and for YEARS, yes YEARS, I have chosen to wish people Happy Holidays, or actually to be more exact, I usually tell people to "Have a Great Holiday".
I am never offended by being wished Happy Hannukah or Merry Christmas, the person making the wish means to give me a word of cheer. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people meant to give words of cheer more often? No one wishes you a cheerful day and means to insult you, sure you may not celebrate that day, but actually, for those who don't celebrate anything, are we insulting them by wishing them a happy anything? You never hear them complaining (about that... yet).
The intention is to be cheerful and kind, and so, those people who are having a fit about people taking the Christ out of Christmas, they need to think again - that may not be anyone's intention at all. And if they are such devoted Christians, then kindness to others should be much higher on their list and prevent them from being so insulting and rude and judgmental. I'm sure a good many of them haven't even thought of it this way, they are concerned about the twice a year Christians, or those who don't even worship watering down what is to them a religious observance first and a gift giving egg nog drinking party second (or they want to pretend that it is), and they have a right within their own family and home to make sure that the religious observance comes first - they do not have a right to make others feel dirty for trying to be kind to all, including Christians and non Christians who are also celebrating a holiday, and in the case of Hannukah, a religious observance that is thousands of years old and is much more about the celebration of faith than gifts and food (although Latkes are probably as much looked forward to or more than many favorite Christmas treats in our home).
I am never offended by being wished Happy Hannukah or Merry Christmas, the person making the wish means to give me a word of cheer. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people meant to give words of cheer more often? No one wishes you a cheerful day and means to insult you, sure you may not celebrate that day, but actually, for those who don't celebrate anything, are we insulting them by wishing them a happy anything? You never hear them complaining (about that... yet).
The intention is to be cheerful and kind, and so, those people who are having a fit about people taking the Christ out of Christmas, they need to think again - that may not be anyone's intention at all. And if they are such devoted Christians, then kindness to others should be much higher on their list and prevent them from being so insulting and rude and judgmental. I'm sure a good many of them haven't even thought of it this way, they are concerned about the twice a year Christians, or those who don't even worship watering down what is to them a religious observance first and a gift giving egg nog drinking party second (or they want to pretend that it is), and they have a right within their own family and home to make sure that the religious observance comes first - they do not have a right to make others feel dirty for trying to be kind to all, including Christians and non Christians who are also celebrating a holiday, and in the case of Hannukah, a religious observance that is thousands of years old and is much more about the celebration of faith than gifts and food (although Latkes are probably as much looked forward to or more than many favorite Christmas treats in our home).
Thursday, December 10, 2009
What? MOMUMO has a blog? Serendipity
Well, not that I think anyone is actually still reading this, but maybe I'm still on someone's feed and they'll discover I've actually posted something. I was reminded this morning that I do have a blog, a friend put a line in his own blog, something along the lines of "wanting to get away from limiting all my online communication to facebook" - yes evil facebook has taken me from this wonderful, fairly anonymous outlet. But... the timing for re-discovery couldn't be better, could really use this outlet right now, and the freedom that it gives me to express myself.
Since we last spoke... oh seriously, that would be too much like a freaking holiday letter, ugh! (which I should really think about writing, haven't written one for years and every year I hear how people miss it)
So, aside from catching up with old friends on Facebook, losing my job (because of the economy... and of course the completely inept woman who threw me and my co-worker under the bus to save her own position, which she ended up losing due to her incompetence), having my oldest daughter away at college, Tommy John surgery for my baseball pitcher son (yes this is his Sr. year, and no he won't be pitching this spring, baseball folks - it is like you imagine) getting two new puppies to replace my dear old friend that we lost this past spring, and of course all the mom stuff that goes with two teenagers in high school, I've pretty much evolved into this strange woman that I don't always know.
I still stay very busy with all my volunteer stuff, and I still try to run my house, but I've never been a super duper Donna Reed about that - in fact as I type this there is a sink full of dishes and a washing machine full of wet towels from yesterday not to mention dog hair EVERYWHERE, I actually found a dog hair in a coffee cup that I was pulling out of the dishwasher that had just finished running! [note to self: remember last week when you said you were going to vacuum more than once a week?].
So why such serendipity at re-discovering my blog, well I'll tell you, for the next while this blog may be more about dealing with the frailty of my parents then about me or my kid stuff... weird huh?
My parents suddenly became old on me a few years ago, I've sort of pulled an ostrich act about the whole thing, refusing to entirely accept that they can't just jump in a raft and float through some white water rapids with me any old time I please. My mom had a bypass surgery, 5 grafts, 4+ years ago, it pretty much sucked. She had a stroke (or maybe several) during surgery/recovery - the doctors always say it happened during the procedure, but we are pretty certain it happened during recovery. Anyhow, strokes really suck, if you haven't experienced someone close who has gone through it, I don't have a good analogy, so just read on and maybe it will become apparent. Strokes suck for many reasons, but the one that has probably sucked the most for ME (yes me, this is my blog, not my mom's) is that they affect personality. My mom is still in there, and she makes appearances fairly frequently, but there are days when the woman that lives inside of my mom's body is a stranger to me, and she's mean, and she's not very funny, and frankly, I don't like her very much because I like my mom, and she's an intruder. You know that mouthy Uncle that comes to family dinners, either uninvited, or invited because it's a fucking holiday and you're obligated? -- and he hogs the whole conversation with shit that is super boring and he bitches about everything and he goes on and on and on about himself (yes, I recognize the irony) - well apparently his doppleganger has somehow body-snatched my mom. Also, the woman who freely let her daughters (and possibly my brothers to some degree) know that there were things about dad that she didn't always like that much, but she loved him and couldn't imagine a life without him, seems to have left the building altogether when it comes to Dad. He's a freaking saint, I have not heard her say a tender loving word to him in over 4 years, and he still just does whatever she asks and cares for her as best as he can. They are that generation where she cared for him and he never much had to make those decisions, he's not as helpless as some of his peers, he can cook, he can keep house (his way), he can shop, etc. Laundry mystifies him a bit, and deciding on stuff like what to shop for or what doctor to go to, those are out of his league, but it's okay she still manages to do that. I never saw my father as a saint like that before, of course I loved him, and all that daddy/daughter stuff, and he was fun, took us camping and to parades and to the rodeo and concerts and the symphony and out to eat -- my dad is awesome about eating out, never bats an eye if my mother wants to eat out and loves taking any of us to lunch, breakfast, brunch whatever. We were really quite spoiled, which I never knew and totally took for granted - I doubt anyone else did as many things and with as great a variety as we did -- seriously everything from the Ballet to the Demolition Derby, and breakfast at a hole in the wall to gourmet dinners at the new trendy Haute Cuisine hot spot (on a side note, with a couple of exceptions, the Haute Cuisine hot spots seldom became favorites, the hole in the wall dumps almost always did!)
So Mom, my mom, who I love dearly and who has ALWAYS been in total denial about any health issue -- not just that whole, "I'm the mom I don't have time to be sick" but total and complete denial that she disguised as a combination between "I don't have time" and "I like to take a more holistic, homeopathic approach to things" - ps. I really do believe in homeopathy and you can not be homeopathic and not holistic also. Alas, my mother for some strange reason that has never been identified, is terrified of clergy, and apparently all western medicine doctors fall into that category as well. She doesn't trust them, will not follow their treatement protocols, and hates anything that has Rx on the label. So of course this is all oh so compatible with recovery from Bypass surgery, stroke and the deteriorating kidney function that accompanies high blood pressure and bypass surgery.
*** side note (and still no expert here) - deteriorating kidney function accompanies almost every other health problem and treating it is bad for everything else and treating everything else is bad for the kidneys ***
Alas, fast forward to last Monday, oh did I mention she also refuses to believe that smoking has anything to do with anything and hasn't quit. She didn't sleep all night Monday night because of "Angina" - which Tuesday morning she told me was her hiatal hernia and that she was on her way to the chiropractor to have an adjustment. She knew it was angina and was just doing the whole ostrich thing. It continued to bother her all the rest of the day Tuesday and somehow through some grace of the Universe my brother was able to talk her into seeing her doctor - they of course sent her to the hospital in an ambulance and then proceeded over the next 5 days to reveal that she had a heart attack, her bypassed vessels were mostly occluded, two completely closed, two partially closed and one that was fairly open, severe kidney disfunction, and an abdominal aortic aneurysm. They also determined that her meds that she was on (not that she was following instructions anyhow) were all messed up and should not have been being given in conjunction with each other,etc. Oh and, with all those occluded vessels around the heart, the blood isn't getting nearly enough oxygen and so she needs additional oxygen - which she refuses to use. So they sent her home to "heal" before they address the kidneys and the aneurysm - with oxygen and all these new pills. She claims one minute to be doing exactly what they say and the next she claims she doesn't need oxygen at all she's fine.
Wow... my husband said to me the other day that as I get older I add more and more detail to my stories and it isn't necessary -- hmmmmm....
So the point of my post, maybe, is this... One of the doctors pretty much told her she needs to make the decision to live or die, and if she makes the decision to live, it may result in a long, miserable, painful, slow, death - and if she decides to just wait for the aneurysm or another heart attack to kill her it would be quick and painless (remind me to send him a cheery note - fucker!). I AM NOT READY FOR THAT TO HAPPEN - does my logic brain say, wow, I could see her choosing the quick painless route, you betcha. I have three children and some nieces and nephews who really truly need her, I can't even begin to describe how much some of them NEED her,and I can't imagine telling them "she chose this". I am vascillating between pissed at the Universe, pissed at her, depressed, feeling amazingly selfish, and nevermind all that I'm gonna stay upbeat and flood this situation with prayer and positive energy and get the outcome that I desire.
I plan to vent here a lot, it could get rather boring, like that asshole uncle at thanksgiving dinner - or it could be filled with bizarre and interesting facts about how a huge family deals with a crazy matriarch who won't conform, time will tell.
Since we last spoke... oh seriously, that would be too much like a freaking holiday letter, ugh! (which I should really think about writing, haven't written one for years and every year I hear how people miss it)
So, aside from catching up with old friends on Facebook, losing my job (because of the economy... and of course the completely inept woman who threw me and my co-worker under the bus to save her own position, which she ended up losing due to her incompetence), having my oldest daughter away at college, Tommy John surgery for my baseball pitcher son (yes this is his Sr. year, and no he won't be pitching this spring, baseball folks - it is like you imagine) getting two new puppies to replace my dear old friend that we lost this past spring, and of course all the mom stuff that goes with two teenagers in high school, I've pretty much evolved into this strange woman that I don't always know.
I still stay very busy with all my volunteer stuff, and I still try to run my house, but I've never been a super duper Donna Reed about that - in fact as I type this there is a sink full of dishes and a washing machine full of wet towels from yesterday not to mention dog hair EVERYWHERE, I actually found a dog hair in a coffee cup that I was pulling out of the dishwasher that had just finished running! [note to self: remember last week when you said you were going to vacuum more than once a week?].
So why such serendipity at re-discovering my blog, well I'll tell you, for the next while this blog may be more about dealing with the frailty of my parents then about me or my kid stuff... weird huh?
My parents suddenly became old on me a few years ago, I've sort of pulled an ostrich act about the whole thing, refusing to entirely accept that they can't just jump in a raft and float through some white water rapids with me any old time I please. My mom had a bypass surgery, 5 grafts, 4+ years ago, it pretty much sucked. She had a stroke (or maybe several) during surgery/recovery - the doctors always say it happened during the procedure, but we are pretty certain it happened during recovery. Anyhow, strokes really suck, if you haven't experienced someone close who has gone through it, I don't have a good analogy, so just read on and maybe it will become apparent. Strokes suck for many reasons, but the one that has probably sucked the most for ME (yes me, this is my blog, not my mom's) is that they affect personality. My mom is still in there, and she makes appearances fairly frequently, but there are days when the woman that lives inside of my mom's body is a stranger to me, and she's mean, and she's not very funny, and frankly, I don't like her very much because I like my mom, and she's an intruder. You know that mouthy Uncle that comes to family dinners, either uninvited, or invited because it's a fucking holiday and you're obligated? -- and he hogs the whole conversation with shit that is super boring and he bitches about everything and he goes on and on and on about himself (yes, I recognize the irony) - well apparently his doppleganger has somehow body-snatched my mom. Also, the woman who freely let her daughters (and possibly my brothers to some degree) know that there were things about dad that she didn't always like that much, but she loved him and couldn't imagine a life without him, seems to have left the building altogether when it comes to Dad. He's a freaking saint, I have not heard her say a tender loving word to him in over 4 years, and he still just does whatever she asks and cares for her as best as he can. They are that generation where she cared for him and he never much had to make those decisions, he's not as helpless as some of his peers, he can cook, he can keep house (his way), he can shop, etc. Laundry mystifies him a bit, and deciding on stuff like what to shop for or what doctor to go to, those are out of his league, but it's okay she still manages to do that. I never saw my father as a saint like that before, of course I loved him, and all that daddy/daughter stuff, and he was fun, took us camping and to parades and to the rodeo and concerts and the symphony and out to eat -- my dad is awesome about eating out, never bats an eye if my mother wants to eat out and loves taking any of us to lunch, breakfast, brunch whatever. We were really quite spoiled, which I never knew and totally took for granted - I doubt anyone else did as many things and with as great a variety as we did -- seriously everything from the Ballet to the Demolition Derby, and breakfast at a hole in the wall to gourmet dinners at the new trendy Haute Cuisine hot spot (on a side note, with a couple of exceptions, the Haute Cuisine hot spots seldom became favorites, the hole in the wall dumps almost always did!)
So Mom, my mom, who I love dearly and who has ALWAYS been in total denial about any health issue -- not just that whole, "I'm the mom I don't have time to be sick" but total and complete denial that she disguised as a combination between "I don't have time" and "I like to take a more holistic, homeopathic approach to things" - ps. I really do believe in homeopathy and you can not be homeopathic and not holistic also. Alas, my mother for some strange reason that has never been identified, is terrified of clergy, and apparently all western medicine doctors fall into that category as well. She doesn't trust them, will not follow their treatement protocols, and hates anything that has Rx on the label. So of course this is all oh so compatible with recovery from Bypass surgery, stroke and the deteriorating kidney function that accompanies high blood pressure and bypass surgery.
*** side note (and still no expert here) - deteriorating kidney function accompanies almost every other health problem and treating it is bad for everything else and treating everything else is bad for the kidneys ***
Alas, fast forward to last Monday, oh did I mention she also refuses to believe that smoking has anything to do with anything and hasn't quit. She didn't sleep all night Monday night because of "Angina" - which Tuesday morning she told me was her hiatal hernia and that she was on her way to the chiropractor to have an adjustment. She knew it was angina and was just doing the whole ostrich thing. It continued to bother her all the rest of the day Tuesday and somehow through some grace of the Universe my brother was able to talk her into seeing her doctor - they of course sent her to the hospital in an ambulance and then proceeded over the next 5 days to reveal that she had a heart attack, her bypassed vessels were mostly occluded, two completely closed, two partially closed and one that was fairly open, severe kidney disfunction, and an abdominal aortic aneurysm. They also determined that her meds that she was on (not that she was following instructions anyhow) were all messed up and should not have been being given in conjunction with each other,etc. Oh and, with all those occluded vessels around the heart, the blood isn't getting nearly enough oxygen and so she needs additional oxygen - which she refuses to use. So they sent her home to "heal" before they address the kidneys and the aneurysm - with oxygen and all these new pills. She claims one minute to be doing exactly what they say and the next she claims she doesn't need oxygen at all she's fine.
Wow... my husband said to me the other day that as I get older I add more and more detail to my stories and it isn't necessary -- hmmmmm....
So the point of my post, maybe, is this... One of the doctors pretty much told her she needs to make the decision to live or die, and if she makes the decision to live, it may result in a long, miserable, painful, slow, death - and if she decides to just wait for the aneurysm or another heart attack to kill her it would be quick and painless (remind me to send him a cheery note - fucker!). I AM NOT READY FOR THAT TO HAPPEN - does my logic brain say, wow, I could see her choosing the quick painless route, you betcha. I have three children and some nieces and nephews who really truly need her, I can't even begin to describe how much some of them NEED her,and I can't imagine telling them "she chose this". I am vascillating between pissed at the Universe, pissed at her, depressed, feeling amazingly selfish, and nevermind all that I'm gonna stay upbeat and flood this situation with prayer and positive energy and get the outcome that I desire.
I plan to vent here a lot, it could get rather boring, like that asshole uncle at thanksgiving dinner - or it could be filled with bizarre and interesting facts about how a huge family deals with a crazy matriarch who won't conform, time will tell.
Friday, December 12, 2008
holy baloney more than a month...
I have been a lousy blogger of late, I apologize to anyone who cared (all three of you?). I found Facebook, at first when the kids were pestering me to get a facebook I said, 'nah, that's weird for a mom' then I started hearing of these other moms who have them -- so I relented. On Facebook, I have been able to be in touch with many of my friends from overseas -- so that is most exciting and wonderful, as I am a lousy correspondent with regular mail - add that to the list of things I don't do as well as I would like. Also, I have a new boss, I'm sure I mentioned that before -- and well honestly, she's requiring a much longer period of adjustment than I had expected (damn expectations, they are never based in reality) -- and that is taking up a lot of my time. Also, she works in the office damn near every day, which cuts into my usual - 'hey I think I'll take a break and go blog' time.
So my world is a new and confusing place in which I am trying to maintain a little normalcy -- which is pretty much just amounting to an occasional beer or manhattan in the evening and still watching my secret soap opera on Monday's while I work from home.
Be assured I am also still continuously amused with myself, more frequently than might be considered fully healthy, and yet no one has had me committed to a facility yet.
Today's amusement:
So my world is a new and confusing place in which I am trying to maintain a little normalcy -- which is pretty much just amounting to an occasional beer or manhattan in the evening and still watching my secret soap opera on Monday's while I work from home.
Be assured I am also still continuously amused with myself, more frequently than might be considered fully healthy, and yet no one has had me committed to a facility yet.
Today's amusement:
Friday, November 07, 2008
a little late...
I've been tagged by Baseballmom for a new meme...answer the following questions using the first letter of your name-try to use a different answer if the person before you has the same initial. It's harder than it looks!
What's your first name? Amy
A four letter word- ass (assbag, asshole, asswipe, ass-for-brains, etc) – I realize that ass only has three letters, and the rest have more than four – so if you were looking for literally a four lettered word – well then ‘amen’
Boy name? Ass
Your occupation? Accounting
A color? Ass? – that’s probably not a color, um auburn
Something you wear? Ascot
A place? Albuquerque
Something found in a bathroom? Ass (duh)
A reason for being late? Ass (getting some)
Something you shout? Assbag!
A food? Almonds
I'm tagging moosema, neveradullmoment, and anyone else that is looking for a post.
What's your first name? Amy
A four letter word- ass (assbag, asshole, asswipe, ass-for-brains, etc) – I realize that ass only has three letters, and the rest have more than four – so if you were looking for literally a four lettered word – well then ‘amen’
Boy name? Ass
Your occupation? Accounting
A color? Ass? – that’s probably not a color, um auburn
Something you wear? Ascot
A place? Albuquerque
Something found in a bathroom? Ass (duh)
A reason for being late? Ass (getting some)
Something you shout? Assbag!
A food? Almonds
I'm tagging moosema, neveradullmoment, and anyone else that is looking for a post.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Yes I am that kind of helicopter mom...
I know I say plenty of derogatory things about helicopter parents... and, having worked with them as volunteer and in the classroom and as another parent, basically -- they need to let loose a little. However, and maybe I am just being too hard on myself and this isn't helicoptering -- if any of you watched Desperate Housewives (spoiler ahead) this week, you saw Lynette starting an account on a social networking site to get her son to talk to her. She was deceptive about it, and that is never a good idea. I am also a snoop, and I also have a social networking site account - for the mere purpose of snooping on my kids -- here is the difference, they know it's me. They know they a. have to provide me with their passwords to myspace, facebook, email, whatever I ask and b. they had better approve me as friend so that I can see what they are posting. I have asked more than once that one of them change something because I don't think it is appropriate to everyone who might be viewing their profile. Yesterday in fact, I went into my son's facebook and changed his "status" myself because I was unhappy that he had used an expletive in it. As you all know, I am potty mouth number one, and I don't really care if my kids use expletives, depending on venue, audience, and circumstance. The thing is, you cannot always control venue, audience and circumstance of the viewers of your facebook. (Along with that, I pay for their cell phones so they know that they have to hand them over randomly and on demand for me to peruse their text messages... could they just delete anything that comes in that I would find objectionable, you bet... I'm banking that if I am random and unpredictable enough they will be too comfortable and I will find that rare item...) even more, I'm banking that they know I may look, so they will watch what they are presenting to the world, which is in fact the goal. None of us parents can sit back and say we never thought things like so and so is a f-ing bitch, or fuck the team that I don't root for, or damn that was fun doing that really outrageous rude thing last night, we just didn't publish it. My mom always said "if you don't want it on the cover of the Rocky Mountain News, don't write it down!" -- I think that advice applies well to texts and IMs and social NW sites. I also think that you don't have to deceive your kids to engage them in conversation and responsible action. So I helicopter -- but I kind of swoop in and helicopter and then swoop out again.
So after having changed my son's status from "F the other team" to "in trouble with his mom" yesterday -- I was curious this morning, as to what he might have done with it last night. He put up some other insult to the other team again, this time in much more appropriate language and I left it... but what I found out was... he is friends with a girl who my daughters know outside of school, sports, etc. A girl he has maybe met and doesn't remember, and has no reason that I can think of for being friends. She is graduated from high school, though she attended the same school as his girlfriend, and she is not involved with his work or any of his activities. On Facebook, you can click on someone and see "friends in common" -- so I fully expected to see his sister or his girlfriend, because there is no other reason for him to know this girl exists -- she is not friends with either of them. I have a mystery to inquire about today, and I can't wait.
So after having changed my son's status from "F the other team" to "in trouble with his mom" yesterday -- I was curious this morning, as to what he might have done with it last night. He put up some other insult to the other team again, this time in much more appropriate language and I left it... but what I found out was... he is friends with a girl who my daughters know outside of school, sports, etc. A girl he has maybe met and doesn't remember, and has no reason that I can think of for being friends. She is graduated from high school, though she attended the same school as his girlfriend, and she is not involved with his work or any of his activities. On Facebook, you can click on someone and see "friends in common" -- so I fully expected to see his sister or his girlfriend, because there is no other reason for him to know this girl exists -- she is not friends with either of them. I have a mystery to inquire about today, and I can't wait.
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