two days...

till my baby MOVES OUT -- I have mentioned before that I don't generally miss my kids that much when they are gone on trips, etc. -- A. -- I've always been a "they'll be back, look at the benefits of this one less person" regardless of who is gone, mom, dad, husband, boss, child, etc. -- B. -- I can always be very happy for them that they are getting to experience something new and wonderful -- C. -- my life is so freaking crazed that I don't actual notice it much except in the mornings/late evenings as we don't generally see each other every day anyhow. Another trait of mine is that I don't get excited/nervous/other anticipatory emotional until the absolute deadline -- if we are taking a trip, I am not excited, truly not excited until we are actually driving to the airport; if I have a meeting or other public speaking event I don't get nervous until I actually walk into the room (and luckily, the nerves usually dissipate the moment I start speaking); I don't worry about anything generally (part of my faith -- I believe that G-d will provide whatever I need and that my life will be good, so I don't really worry much) -- now don't be silly, I have boobs and I have children so of course I don't like watching my son get tackled by some godzilla sized lineman from another football team and I don't like when my daughter is out driving home from across town in the rain alone at 11pm, and I do fret bits here and there about all the normal things "will they grow up happy"; "will they be successful" -- ordinary mom things -- but I am not by nature a worrier, I just know that good preparation and faith will carry you through damn near anything and therefore worry is just wasted time and effort and could manifest the negative -- so dwell on the positive so that may manifest instead. However, this morning I find myself worrying, and fretting, and already missing my angel -- now she absolutely detests if I think of her as anything at all like "angel" -- but she really is an angel for me -- we have a really close tie, different from my close ties to my other kids, and she is sort of a rock for me, maybe because she's not as emotional as the other two, she's very predictable, very stoic, very logical, and I'm going to miss her so much I can just barely get through the day today without crying. I am worrying about her too, what if this time away drives a wedge in our little special closeness -- what if she gets hurt and I'm not there -- what if she parties too much and something bad happens -- what if she falls madly in love and I'm not her rock anymore -- what if she grows up in some new way and I don't get to see it -- and I miss her so much already I can barely bear it (for the moment, it will pass, I'm not that much of a drama queen). She is ONLY TWO AND A HALF Hours away -- seriously I can get to her in less time than it takes to wait in the ER for someone to take care of an urgent need -- and she can come home frequently, and I can visit frequently -- and she has a phone for crying out loud, and we are getting her webcams, and she has a computer, so it's not like she moved to Timbuktu or something -- and she won't be arguing with her sister, bitching abou the cat, contradicting her dad, irritating her brother, eating the last of some food I love, drinking up all the coffee before I wake up, leaving her shit all over the house, and gone all the time at work or out with friends (seriously, it's not like I see her that much anyhow) -- heck I may even talk to her more because she will have so much new stuff to tell me and I will have stuff to tell her that normally we wouldn't talk about cuz she would be there also. Also, she seems to get along with her roommate (based on a couple of phone calls) and she has hooked herself up with the Job's Daughters there, so she will have not only some built in friends her age, but also a bit of an adult support network also. My little brother actually only lives a little over an hour from her (when he gets back from Iraq) so he can get up there really lickety split if needed. I have to focus on how cool this is for her... I didn't move out when I went to college (I did go live in Spain for a few months first) I lived at home for all of my freshman year, and then lived a whopping five minutes from home after that, so it's hard to imagine what she is feeling. My sister tells me it isn't that bad at first, but her oldest went AWAY to school in Boston -- and I remember how miserable she was, so I don't believe her! I remember that my husband's brother/wife were up at their son's college every couple of weeks for awhile, they missed him so much... and they both cried all the way home from dropping him off -- he was only about an hour away -- actually he's still in that town and so that makes him a little over an hour from my daughter also. It's gonna be just fine... I just have to get through these next two days without freaking her out...